 Passing Stranger
487 QA Reputation0 | Rose said 10 years, 8 months ago: I just got out of three year relationship.
He was really controlling. He would control what music i listened to, what television shows i watched, what i wore, who i hung out with.
He wasn’t ever there for me. When i would get upset he wouldn’t care. He would just brush it off like nothing was wrong. He always made me feel bad. He never told me i was pretty or complimented me on anything good i did.
He rushed me into sexual things i wasn’t ready for. Some days i told him i didn’t want to have sex but he did it anyways. He would always find a way to convince me to say yes.
He was abusive for the year before we were officially dating. He would hit me, kick me, punch me and stuff.
I guess i just really want to know if i could call that am abusive relationship?
or if anyone has any input or advice for me. | |
 Passing Stranger
135 QA Reputation0 | cherryxx33 said 10 years, 8 months ago: YESSS THAT IS DEFINATLY ABUSE , and trust me you deserve so much better and there is better out there keep your head up | |
 Newbie
0 QA Reputation0 | Deleted User said 10 years, 8 months ago: Yes that is abuse, I would forget him hun  you deserve much better (hugs) | |
Passing Stranger
487 QA Reputation0 | Rose said 10 years, 8 months ago: Thank you.
I’m starting to look up from it all but it’s hard sometimes. | |
 Familiar Face
1094 QA Reputation67 | Satellite//Heart♡ said 10 years, 8 months ago: I’m so sorry hun but yes to me it sounds like you were in a domestic violence type situation where you put up with both physical and emotional abuse.
The most important thing is you left and got out of it and that is something to be so proud of! That’s incredible
Maybe even going to see someone to talk to about what you experienced could help you deal with things and heal too?
Either way I think you’re amazing! <3 | |
Newbie
0 QA Reputation0 | Deleted User said 10 years, 8 months ago: Remember Rose, you are strong and will survive (hugs) | |
 Passing Stranger
397 QA Reputation10 | Ali. said 10 years, 8 months ago: Honey, I’m afraid it is. Have you ever talked to anyone about this? That kind of stuff can haunt people for ages, so it’s really important you talk it through with someone you trust and care, and please know that there are much better people! You can take something from this, and that is never let anyone step on you or your feelings ever again, but keep in mind that not everyone will do this. We all love you, you are so strong! hugs and kisses <3 | |
 Passing Stranger
617 QA Reputation403 | zelphia said 10 years, 8 months ago: Rose, I’m SO sorry you went through this. YES it was abuse. From the very beginning. If he ever hit you, hurt you, kicked you that is physical abuse and he could be in jail right now if you had chosen to press charges. If he forced you to have sex when you didn’t want to, that is basically rape. He controlled you by demeaning and putting you down so your self esteem was damaged. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, and I can tell you it took me years to get over it, but the relief I felt to be free of him, I still feel that, almost 30 years later. I’m so glad you left, just be careful you don’t go back….that is teh biggest danger. Men like that can be very seductive and they don’t want to lose what they consider as a belonging and he treated you like a thing he owned. Please be careful, if he starts comeing around or calling you or making you uncomfortable in any way, you need to get help. Men like this are dangerous to women once they leave. I hope you are completely free of him. I suggest, if possible in anyway…that you get therapy, it will help you because right now your opinion of yourself is damaged, your self esteem has been hurt by him and you might need help to see yourself as the beautiful strong, kick ass woman you can be. Congratulations on being free. Please Please Plase….stay that way!
Hugs from a survivor
Zel PS I’m here if you ever want to talk privately and want an ear, just IM me. | |
Passing Stranger
487 QA Reputation0 | Rose said 10 years, 8 months ago: Thank you all so much for the love and support.
I’ll definitely keep your names in case i need help. zelphia, he has contacted me several times. I had to go over to him house a few weeks ago to get some things i had there and he tried to get me to have sex with him. I didn’t want to but he kept me there. We ended up in his room and he stepped out for a minute and i was looking around a bit and i saw a picture of me in his closet. I pulled the door open all the way to find about half a dozen pictures of me along with all the notes and everything i had given him. It wasn’t in a box either. It was all set up on his dresser.
I ended up getting home without anything else happening. When i got home he texted me and yelled at me for not having sex.
He still texts me a lot asking if i want to get back to together or just hookup.
I have a few supportive friends who know about most of the stuff. Your guys’ support has helped a lot. Thank you all so much. <3 | |
Newbie
0 QA Reputation0 | Deleted User said 10 years, 8 months ago: Rose I would stay away from guys like him, you deserve someone who will treat you like a princess, every girl deserves someone like that | |
Passing Stranger
487 QA Reputation0 | Rose said 10 years, 8 months ago: Ahww thank you so much Oli. <3 | |
Passing Stranger
617 QA Reputation403 | zelphia said 10 years, 8 months ago: I knew it, i just had an intuition about this, that you needed to hear a strong support that you spend time alone with him. Please avoid him. Honey, he’s dangerous. He has basically created an alter to the image or idea of what or who he thought you were, and he isn’t going to let go easily.In his mind, you belong to him. LIke a thing. And you are in his mind, stealing that thing that belonged to him. So he is going to get angry when you aren’t responding to him, or coming right back. Think about this, he was angry with you because you didn’t have sex with him and he physically tried to restrain you from leaving. That is sick behavior. That is not a good sign. The wall with the photos, is a very bad sign. I am afraid you are going to need to get a restraining order. My husband had to get one against his ex when he and I got married, so I know about the stalking thing and I’m guessing your ex is going to start stalking you. You need to let someone in your life know what is going on. Please tell your family or your friends so you can have support and they will know what is going on. Please, don’t let yourself be alone with him again. Don’t answer his texts, or his calls. Cut him off completely. If he shows up at your house, call the police. You need to send him a strong statement that you are no longer going to be in contact. He will not like this and will lash out or act out. If there is any way you can get out of town, go visit or stay with a friend or relative for a while, I would strongly suggest it. I’m very concerned about you. Please protect yourself. In fact, I’d suggest you get some form of protection, at least pepper spray. Try to walk in groups at night, try to get people who are friends to walk you to your door if you go out. Get someone to walk you to your car. I don’t want to make you afraid, I just want you to take this serious. This is going to be rocky for awhile and you have to be strong. Remember this, he tried to hurt you, to make you think you were nothing, that he owned you, and now you are standing up for yourself. You are a strong woman. You are beautiful and have a great life ahead of you now that this cancer of an ex is out of your life. I’m so proud of you. It must have been very scary to leave, but you did it! I’m sending you hugs and love and support. You aren’t alone. I’m here if you ever want to talk. | |
Passing Stranger
487 QA Reputation0 | Rose said 10 years, 8 months ago: zelphia, Thank you so so much again for all your love and support. I’m hoping i won’t have to resort to that level. He is leaving for college very soon and will hopefully be out of my life. If anything else bad happens i promise i will follow your advice.
My two best friends know about it all (mostly) and have been very supportive.
Don’t worry about me getting hurt. I have another friend who would be at my door in two minutes flat if i called. I promise you i’m in good hands for the time being.
Again, i really hope it won’t get to that point but if it does, i’m prepared to follow through with your suggestions.
I can’t thank you enough for your support. | |
Passing Stranger
617 QA Reputation403 | zelphia said 10 years, 8 months ago: I’m SO glad he’s leaving town. Just be careful and don’t trust him in the slightest. If he pulls up in a car and wants you to get in just to talk etc, don’t do it. Things like that. Be cautious and avoid any contact you can. I’m SO glad you have a strong support system around you. Just know, you are not who he made you think you are. You are a strong woman who despite abuse, had the strength to walk out. That takes guts! | |
 Passing Stranger
235 QA Reputation0 | arcticfox48 said 10 years, 8 months ago: Yes, I’d agree, that’s definitely abuse | |
