DemonInMyMirror said 7 years, 9 months ago:

I was sexually abused in the past and as a result I really dont enjoy much physical contact. Recently though, I got into a relationship with my amazing boyfrind. Obviously being a gay couple we get a fair amount of hate. Anyway I really want to stop being so against physical contact. I feel like I really need to get over it and just suck it up for him. Please someone help? What would he think if I told him about my past? This whole relationship thing is confusing stuff :/

Hearmenow said 7 years, 9 months ago:

First off, you shouldn’t “suck it up” for anyone. Going through something like that is one of the most horrific things one could experience, and you should never feel ashamed for not wanting physical contact. I can’t imagine what you went through, and there’s no one in this world who can tell you that what you’re feeling is wrong or right.

A relationship is built on a lot more than just intimacy, more importantly communication and trust. Many victims of abuse struggle to be able to get close to someone again, which is understandable. Because that involves trust, yet again, that they won’t hurt you.

I don’t know what your relationship is like, but I think that you should be honest with him, to whatever extent you feel comfortable with. Maybe just start by saying that you want to take things slow. Or that you wan’t to get to know each other more. You’re the only one who knows how you feel. Sit down, and have a calm conversation.

I would also like to add, that there’s nothing wrong with having a romantic relation without sexual intimacy. Some people just don’t have the appeal, just as some don’t do romantic ones. Perhaps you should take some time and think, what is it that you want? Do you want to be intimate, not for the sake of “that’s what’s supposed to happen, right?” but because you want it.

Humanist Hope said 7 years, 9 months ago:

You have to adapt to your conditions for you, not for someone else. You must be your primary, driving motivation. You are worth your hard effort. You are a worthy cause all on your own. When you do things for you and take care of yourself, you will find that you naturally become a comforting presence for other people because they regard you as stable.

Your boyfriend can leave. You can break up. Something awful could happen. He cannot be your motivation. Do this for you.