Evane said 10 years, 9 months ago:

My ex-boyfriend and I were together for four years. In the beginning, it was fantastic. It really felt like love, and I thought it would last, but things/events happened to the point that I realized that I actually didn’t love him or at least cared as I did in the beginning. So I broke up with him.

He was completely devastated or perhaps surprised (I honestly can’t tell which). We didn’t talk for a couple days until he confronted me. He tried to get me back, asked me questions so as to hopefully fill in the blanks and maybe resolve the relationship, but I had already made my final choice. No amount of convincing would change that. I offered to stay as a friend but nothing more. After a few more days, we spoke to each other and began to hang out as friends.

Though shortly there after, he jokingly squeezed my boob as I quickly snapped and said “We aren’t friends with benefits”. The idea stuck, we discussed it, and now we are as the term implies.

To be quite honest, I find no problem with it. There are sexual urges I have and even though I don’t love my ex-boyfriend, I’m comfortable enough to still have sex with him. However I have wondered if I should continue with this mutual agreement due to the implication that it was me who ended the relationship and I have no idea how my ex-boyfriend actually feels about it. Of course I’ve asked him about his feelings about this situation and he says that it doesn’t bother him, but there are just signs that it feels like it does.

He continues to treat me like when we were a couple:
Hold Hands
Hug
Friendly Punches
Kissing
Etc..

He’ll treat it like “Sorry, just a habit”. Though it feels like he does these on purpose. To a certain degree, it feels like he wants us to get back together. I could be wrong or I could be right. I honestly don’t know because I’m not him.

So I’m asking, should I continue these benefits? Should I cut it off completely and be strictly friends? Are there pros and cons to either of these choices? I’m at a total loss of what to do.

-Evane

alex said 10 years, 9 months ago:

I totally agree with Vickie, it’ll hurt him more in the long run if you don’t end it now.

MandaMae said 10 years, 9 months ago:

You need to sit him down and make sure he knows and is fully convinced that you guys are not getting back together. Most FWB don’t hold hands and do all that cute stuff. You hang out, have sex, go home. Not to be blunt but I’m pretty sure he’s not fully getting what’s going on, and you might be stringing him on unintentionally.

cliona said 10 years, 9 months ago:

I had friend with benefits relationship with my ex boyfriend, except I was in your boyfriends place. I still had feelings for my ex and he was over his feelings for me. It really hurt me when things just stopped, we didn’t even talk about it, they just did because he found someone new. You might out of the blue find someone knew and could really hurt him. Make sure to discuss it with him and tell him why you’re doing it. It’s not cool to start something and then not finish it properly, y’know? He’s going to get hurt either way by the looks of things, so I’d drop the bomb sooner rather than later. Good luck.

becausemeagan said 10 years, 8 months ago:

I think you should honestly discontinue the friends with benefits. Simply because this is his way of being with you. It gives him permission to have these little moments of remembering the relationship you once shared. But, if you are completely done you are done. You have really two choices. 1. define friends with benefits the way you want it, the terms you want. or 2. end it because you will just string him along. And speaking for both sides, he should move on and maybe you should just be single. I think things will get more complicated the more you string things on and continue.

AnnieH said 8 years, 11 months ago:

Well a friends with benefits relationship can be great if it means the same for both people. My best friend is also an occasional sex partner. We love to make out and we even double date with boys. Neither of us has any other girl friends that we have sex with. We love each other as friends but neither of us feels romantic love towards each other. We are not jealous of each other and we can go for months without anything physical happening. But we enjoy it when it happens.