i actually don’t know where to start.but ill start this way.im 24,single,jobless,lost my self-esteem,lost my self confidence and i cant seem to decide for myself now. im not this girl before. i may not be too far from this girl but im way better before.im from a well off family and grew up having all i want until i met this guy.he changed me completely,he also taught me on how to contented and patient with things.he was my everything.but a tragic thing happened he died on our 39th month.i planned my life from the moment i knew he was the onr.i plannedmy entore future with him.after i finish college i will work and marry him (weve been engage for a year).when he died my life stopped.i still took the exam to be a nurse at first i didnt pass coz i never studied a single thing.then after a year i took the exam again and passed.today ive been cooped up in our house for a year.i literally dont see the sun.my mom pushes me to work.but it feels like i cant work.i want to go to medical school just as what i had planned before,but were broke now coz my dad made a bad investment.i dont know where to pick up the pieces.i also dont want to stay in the city im living now.people hates me here coz they think its my fault my bf died.i just want to start all over again away from people i know.away from all the familiar places.i just want to forget the past.i also have suicidal tendencies and as i agonized myself through decision making suicidal attempts passess my mind.just to end this suffering.
