ok some backround let me start by saying i cant spell and im a recovering addict and now that i sto using drugs i still have me and today i know i never had a drug issue i had a me issue cause im have a lot of charter defects such as overthinking every thing people pleasing i also still have some old behaviors from that life see addiction is obsessive behavior so when the drugs are gone im on to the next thing such as girls video games cars work if im doing something for this addict its all or nothing that being out of the way let me tell you bout my life see ive been throw hell and back and around again and i keep ticking here is some backround on my life my 1st memory of my life is when i was 3 my dad beating the shit out of my mom and that feeling of no control my next memory is his death he died of a od from herion ok after that life went on years went it was me n my mom and i rember the feeling of the wait of the world on my shoulders always having to be strong not being able to feel any thing cause after all i was the man of the house or at least thats how i thought life moved on for a lil while and my mom met back up with my dad bff so they started to go out i got close to him because he knew my dad more then i did but then one night he got way to close to me in a sexual way this went on for years it brought back that fear of no control this is all before i was ten so life went on he went to jail my grandmom died and that xmas i suffered from 3rd degree burns on 25% of my body my mom lost it and started using drugs so life kept moving as it does her addiction went so far our house became the drug selling spot so being 12 wanted to belong somewhere and again being the man of the house i see all these people in my house making all this money so i decided to sell drugs started with weed and i became good at it moved to selling harder drugs till i was 18 just smoking weed then i started taking ex after a ex high the best way i can say the coming down feeling is all your happy goes away so i started taking perks to level out then one day i was selling dope and was perk sick i looked for days to find perks and didnt want to be sick any more so i did dope two weeks later i was shooting dope live moved on i got caught in a raid cause the cop i paid off didnt care any more how much money he was getting ok now im doing better im clean i live life on lifes terms and i wouldnt change nothing that has happen to me because it made me who i am also i learned that no matter what happens it works out in the end but it sucks for now