all my friends are about to be juniors and seniors in high school and I’m about to start college. I will hardly get to see them, while they will still get to see each other every day. the closest person to me is this guy and we became a thing last year, we acted like a couple and did couple-ish things but were never official. i accidentally fell so in love with him and then he ended things on the last week of school. i have a bad habit of shutting people and emotions out so i don’t feel. well i did that with this. and i thought i got better and then i saw my two best friends post a photo of them, the guy, and his friend, and it was supposed to be a date. it really upset me.. i don’t want to feel these feelings, he’s the only person i got close to, he knows me inside and out. he was also my first in everything. i’m not close with anyone so i can’t go to anyone else yet. but it also upset me because my best friends said they couldn’t hang out until august 9th and they went and did this. i have the urge to push them away and just start brand new with friends. i don’t want to, because i love my friends and don’t want to lose them but none of them talk to me anymore so i’m left alone every day. but they indirectly cause me so much sadness and anger and i don’t like that so i feel like pushing them away will be best for my emotions. I’m trying so hard to let go of the guy but I can’t. He was my first love. and I loved him so much. and no other guy in my city shows interest to me plus with a past event of getting assaulted by my best friend, I have a hard time opening up sexually to a guy i get to know even though i want to do it so whenever i get sexually frustrated i can only go to him since he was the only one i did stuff with. I just want to get over these feelings, and be able to talk normal to him and be friends and hang out, if we can but not that he nor anyone else talks to me anymore.