Pain, emotional pain, is my constant always. I fight with myself a bunch, about whether I am sometimes being lazy or is it all my Depression adding up to this ? I avoid doing things I like as easily as those things I need to do. I appreciate greatly when things are ok between Me, Myself and I, that’s the fucking crux of super-depression pain…BEING AWARE OF TOO MUCH BUT NOT ABLE TO CHANGE A LOT, OR …GET ALONG WITH YOUR OWN PERSONALITY. And it mostly IS your brain not getting along with itself…the fights I have gone through would spin your head. Too much double and triple-speak shit. I see the coming future with the darkest feelings about where it could go, both personally and for America and the World’s People. But I still believe in the GREATER GOOD, especially other peoples’ goodness in their hearts, despite themselves. Nothing like waking up every day with assorted existential crises in your head. . .I NEED books and movies to distract me…to warm my soul on the fires of other people’s kindnesses and deep thoughts. REMEMBER THE WISE WORDS OF BLANCHE DuBOIS..”I DEPEND ON THE KINDNESS OF STRANGERS.” A scary place to live every day and night. I would make the world’s worst homeless person, depression robs me of the energy needed to live that way, and the social sense to get along with lots of people. It is so time-consuming and disheartening. Sometimes I think I would be better off dead. But the sunshine and love of art I carry deep within helps me to live and crack jokes about my sorry state. . .FOLKS, YOU CANNOT MAKE IT WITH OUT A WELL-DEVELOPED SENSE OF HUMOR, NO MATTER HOW IRONIC AND SELF-DEPRACATORY YOUR HUMOR RUNS. . . (And it also helps to actually be your own best friend most of the time. We actually really like each other, me and I.)