I just helped my friend realize something important. We’ve been friends for over a year, and helped each other through some tough times, so somehow I didn’t realize her toxic views on homosexuality. I’d mentioned in passing my attraction to members of both genders before, but for the first time in conversation I told her explicitly that I wanted to have sex with a specific man. Her tone changed to something I had never heard before. After responding with a bemused “okay, then,” she explained to me her idea of the “gay fairy” within all of us. “It’s okay to be attracted to the same gender,” she said, “ as long as it doesn’t turn into anything serious.”
I was stunned.
“What— you’re not saying homosexuality is wrong— ?” I stammered in disbelief.
“I accept homosexuality. But I don’t support it.”
This lit a fire in me. “Do you know why my uncle is an alcoholic?” I yelled at her. “Because his parents ‘accepted it but didn’t support it.’ I know this may shock you, but anything less than support is worth nothing! Anything less than support is not love, and is nowhere near good enough,” I said, shocked at how well I was able to articulate my anger. “I can’t believe I talked to you and thought you were so great for so long.”
She defended herself. “I have two gay friends and they are my favorite people, and everyone can just exist and be who they are, who am I to judge? You don’t have to talk to me.”
I felt like not talking to her.
But I had to finish what I started.
“It doesn’t matter how many gay friends you have, or whether they understand this idea: neutrality is toxic. When a minority is persecuted for being who they are, we must support them or else we are only helping those persecutors.”
A long silence.
“Okay, I get that.”
Another long silence.
“I appreciate what you said.
Kind of served as a wake up call.”

This is one of my greatest achievements.