Guava said 8 years, 6 months ago:

Okay so I kinda on a whim decided I’m gonna write this so here we gooooo
It’s hard to post this, as some things are listed here that I don’t talk about to anyone…
I was always a happy child, even though I had a rough childhood. My parents were split, my dad moved far away and my elder sister, diagnosed with autism, was my biggest most feared bully. I had many of them, in fact, I couldn’t go out of the house without being jumped, which resulted in me becoming a very very shy introverted person. I rarely got to see my dad as he moved far away, and I hung out with my granny a lot, doing arts and crafts and just generally adoring her company, and my own. When I was around 5 and a half, my mum brought a new boyfriend around, which resulted in me becoming vulnerable to him. My mum fell pregnant, gave birth to a gorgeous baby boy who became my pride and joy (lately he, too, was diagnosed with autism) and not only that but he had been sexually abusing me for a while by then… He continued to sexually abuse me for a number of years, and by the age of eight that’s when my world seriously collapsed; my granny was diagnosed with bowel cancer. She’d died just after my 9th birthday, and my abuser tormented me with her death… he played her favourite song over and over to upset me, told me things about my granny that no child wants to hear (although I doubt they’re true) and said the cruelest things about her that continue to infuriate me.

By the age of thirteen it stopped. He got taken to court, and pleaded guilty to two out of three cases… mine was the one he didn’t admit guilty on. I felt my world crumble. My sister called me a liar, told everyone I made it up for sympathy. Everyone at my high school started calling me names.. Slut, whore, prostitute, and there I was thinking I’d just gotten through the stage where I got bullied. One boy started assaulting me as he found it funny, and I found myself without any friends or family to rely on. I started drinking and smoking the pain away, I ran away to forget about how lonely I was on multiple occasions (the policemen picking me up were getting tired of me) and I started skipping my education to avoid the horridness…

I’m still not fully walking out of the darkness, I’m still in a horrible place coping with all of this.My dad moved back down here and I’m now living with him… I’ve stopped drinking and running away- i’m working on stopping smoking, and I have landed myself a wonderful 6 month long relationship- which I hope lasts. My partner is my only friend, but at least I have one true friend I trust more than anything now, and even though sometimes I feel so lonely I cry for hours on end…

I just need to remember, there’s always at least one person there for me. And that’s why I started my BlahTherapy account, because everyone needs that one person.

Wishing you all a wonderful week! Keep your head up! x