There’s definitely a lot going on here. The one thing I want to touch on though is the guilt you feel for allegedly breaking up your family. It’s easy to use yourself as a scapegoat when you’re in that circle of self-hate. I don’t see you as the single source that caused the division you’re talking about. I won’t go into it too much considering your other post spoke of your ability to deconstruct situations with ease. And knowing that I can say with confidence you probably know you’re not to take all the blame. On the bright side, right now you seem to be growing your support system. You having a boyfriend now will no doubt help you with your emotional troubles, and being this open on here will attract a bunch of awesome people ready to lend an ear and hand if you ever need one, including myself. From what I’m seeing I think you’re setting yourself up to make some positive changes in your life in the near future. Try to keep that in mind when you’re having a rough day. Best wishes.