Rising said 8 years, 2 months ago:

I’m afraid of loosing my mind. Of ending up trapped in my body but not being able to function or think clearly. And that’s what brings about old suicidal thoughts….
So I went to the doctor today and got anti depressants but am I really depressed?
I know about mental health but when it comes to my own I still get confused.
I think my biggest problem is that I don’t really know what happiness feels like. The happiest I’ve ever been was when I was all alone, and felt invincible because I had overcome a mental breakdown and didn’t feel the need for anyone in my life because I was succeeding with goals and it was freeing. It felt like at that stage I had faced all of my fears and overcome them.
My 2nd happiest time in my life was when I was in an abusive relationship…..lols see where this is going?that time it was because the relationship had help me overcome my fear of sex.
For me when I feel like I’m able to fully function is when I feel the most content and happy-but it feels like my happy is most people’s depressed?!?!?
And I’m not writing this for sympathy and I’m definitely not trying to invalidate anyone else’s emotions but it confuses the crap out of me.
I still want to achieve goals and I’ve got a lot of plans ahead but what holds me back is the fear of pushing myself too far and completely loosing myself. So that holds me back from achieving those goals and pursuing those plans fully, which I’m pretty sure is the cause of the depression.
Which in turn causes me to loose interest in life and brings about those suicidal thoughts again….lols just venting :)

Deleted User said 8 years, 1 month ago:

You’re such a strong person. You have been through a lot, and yet you’rs still surviving. This proves that you can handle any obstacle that you encounter in your journey. You can overcome your fears by facing them steadily. You can get through this. I know that you can.

lindsey said 7 years, 9 months ago:

You will get back to where you want to be and you have all control. You are wonderful. There’s an herb Bacopa monnieri good for mood focus outlook, and there are others. Anti-depressants are not close to the benefits of this. The medications cause moods to be off balance or worse, especially in the long run, they aren’t worth it from others’ experience. I wish you well.

Elauria said 7 years, 9 months ago:

Hi, so there’s nothing wrong with being on anti-depressants actually. Did you know there are actually people out there who never think of suicide? A long time ago when I learned this I was shocked! All anti-depressants help you do is feel, well normal. You are still going to have highs and lows. When you feel low, your not going to feel like the world is ending and you want to kill yourself. Having said that, I also believe that therapy of some sort is also important. Usually with depression a type of cognitive behavioural therapy is used (umm sounds like blah blah, but it works), there is also interpersonal therapy and psychodynamic therapy. You can even find worksheets on the internet to work through yourself. It is normal to feel out of control, it is not normal to feel like you want to kill yourself over it. Also you are trying to judge what makes you happy by what makes other people happy… That is also an incorrect yardstick. Happiness is about perception, and you may love dandelions where someone else despises them because they see them as weeds (see what I mean). If you would like to chat more, please feel free to pm me