MonyV said 9 years, 9 months ago:
Hi Shaddy,
I can totally understand your situation. I’ve been through something similar, at your age. My mom and me had always had a tight relationship, and our holy routines together. We had a lot of fights, and she’s quite crazy, but she was the only one I had at that time. And she never could give me any affection. She always walked a meter around me, never kissed me goodnight, never even patted my head. That was very hard on itself. I grew up, became a teenager, and the nagging need for affection screamed inside of me. I had quite some self-confidence at the time (lost in the years in between, I’m afraid) so I went to parties and hit on guys, but it never seemed to work out. At some point, my mom met a guy. I liked him a lot, so I was glad for her. But when I was on vacation, I was told he had moved in with us, not even after three months of their dating. I thought that was a stupid move (because back then I was more rational than my mother). But the biggest problem was, there was this strange guy in the house. Our routines didn’t exist anymore, we always watched what he wanted to watch on TV. I felt rejected and unimportant. This was blown up by the fact that my mon and her boyfriend were constantly kissing, hugging, and sweetmouthing each other in front of my face. And I had nothing. No one. No affection, no kisses, no belonging, no friends even… (yeah, that one was pretty bad too). My mom became more and more hostile towards me because she felt I was jealous of her having a man and me not (did I mention she was a bit crazy?) . Anyway, after a few months of struggling with growing sadness, tremendous pain inside and torture watching the turtledoves on the outside, I got my first depression (this sounds like it’s a diploma or something *sigh*). Thank you, mom.
Now, I suppose your family is still pretty nice to you, or at least I hope so. But I just wanted to tell you I can relate. All I wanted to do back then was also just get the hell out of there. And I really couldn’t.
Now, the people who answered before me already gave great advice. Find a hobby, see what the posibilities are for living alone, looking for a job…
I can only add to that some things that I may have found useful at your age. I know what social anxiety is, because I had it a few years later. It’s the hardest thing to meet new people. But it’s the most important, too. You can overcome your fears, and step out into the world, and meet people who care about you. Maybe it won’t be love at first sight or something like that, but you need support right now. You need to feel loved and appreciated. You need people right now who can make you feel worthwhile. Then maybe, if you don’t feel so horribly lonely anymore, you’ll be more at ease and more able to find potential dates.
Look, I’ve read some of your replies to questions on this site, and you seem like a very, very decent guy. It’s really important to realize that too: you’re worthy of love and happiness. If you believe that, truly believe it, then I am convinced you’ll find a way out of your loneliness and depression.
Be sure to see a doctor though, for a prescription, it’s better to prevent than to cure!
Good luck to you,
Mony
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