wingsofeagles said 7 years, 6 months ago:

All my life, I’ve been angry and codependent.
And what’s more, I came to the realization a few months ago that I chose friends, or they chose me, because they were like me. Nice. Agreeable. Pissed off at something and depressed. Hadn’t figured themselves out.
In October, I realized my problems were my fault entirely, and I had the power to turn it around. The problem is the feelings. I haven’t always been angry. But I have always been anxious and depressed. If I put this behind me and continue on, I will have zilch in common with my friends from home, who, as far as I can tell, either won’t ever completely fix their problems or will do it much later in life either because they have no willpower/commitment or because they think they don’t have any problems. At the same fucking time if I don’t have compassion for the person they really are inside I will feel like a giant bitch. And I fully realize anxiety and depression are common and controllable conditions, too. So in as validating as it is to say “fight the stigma,” that also gives me room to wallow in it forever and stay in my symptoms. I want people in my life that have completely overcome their problems and I am beginning to worry there is no such thing. I am told to assert myself but when I do people yell at me and scream “bitch/lifetime enemy.” Or they fucking deny it.

So clearly I either need to ignore them or just throw them all under the bus. But I can’t do either one and I’m stuck.

Rain said 7 years, 6 months ago:

To be friends with someone, you don’t need to have things in common. I understand it might seem easier when you do, but it can also be interesting when you don’t. There’s a variety of people and it can also be interesting when someone is the complete opposite. Sometimes opposites attract. I don’t think you should ignore them nor throw them under the bus. It’s good that you want to move on. You can always try to encourage them to do the same or just be there for them and someday they’ll find their light too. In the end it’s your choice, so it’s up to you to decide.

rinseandrep said 7 years, 6 months ago:

Yeah, being so bothered by what other people are doing about their problems, sounds codependent. I think the problem-free friend is a white whale you can look for all your life, if that’s what you need to finally be satisfied, you’ll never be satisfied.

All one can do is working on not being as bothered by other people’s problems, not as much that it becomes what one does instead of handling their own problems.

On the other hand, if you have a grip on everything and want to look for people that have problems but also seem to have a better grip on them than your current friends, that sounds reasonable and worth looking in.

wingsofeagles said 7 years, 6 months ago:

I definitely WANT to be there for them. Problem is they never let ANYONE be there for them. So what am I supposed to do? They don’t want anyone there, yet they get mad when I tell them I don’t want them there?

I should have been more clear: I want people in my life who have recognized they have/had issues and have overcome them. Yes, that falls under “people who have a better grip.” I’m just worried I’ll lose some people who have been my friends for a long, long time if I do that.