I’m not entirely sure if really anyone can give me some sort of advice on this situation that i’m having, but I just wanted to have a go at it anyway.
So I find myself really liking this guy. The problem is
1). He lives across the ocean from me (He lives in England, I live in the USA)
2). Technically we’ve never engaged in a proper conversation, but i’ll go into detail with that to clarify in a bit, so essentially we’ve never spoken
3.) He is a YouTuber with nearly 400,000 subscribers and a lot of teenage girls so much younger than me fangirl the crap out of him, so I feel like i’m just another “fan” to him or whatever.
It just seems that i’m chasing after someone who I just know I will never get the chance to meet and be friends with or whatever. The only chance of that even happening is if by some miracle he starts chatting with me or if I move to England. Though I am saving up my money to move to England hopefully by sometime in a year for my career, I still feel very lost and hopeless.
Now, what I meant in point #2 above is that I have written comments on two of his past videos and he has replied back to them. On another occasion he made a tweet and I replied back, and he actually favorited my reply (which was one of the nicest feelings in the universe, let me tell you. Because it wasn’t a dumb or funny tweet he made, it was a genuinely sentimental one. So it was nice that he saw what I said to try and better his situation.)
I feel like i’m chasing some sort of pipe dream. I just feel like every time I try to reach out to him on Twitter or youtube via comments on his videos about how amazing of a filmmaker he is or by throwing back his sarcastic humor at him it’s just like…why bother, you know? What is really the use? I also just feel really embarrassed by myself for doing it sometimes.
What should I even do? The people i’ve tried to talk to about this situation are either not interested or they don’t want to help me for whatever personal reason. So I’m at a loss on that regard.
I can at least hope that one person will try to help me, that would make my day honestly. However I understand if no one can give me any sort of advice for whatever reason. My problem isn’t the typical “i like this guy and he goes to my school what do i do?” deal because he lives in a whole other country and he has a freaking cult almost of young girls that swoon over him (hell even some of his female friends that are YouTubers fawn over him as well. He’s just a HUGE hit with the ladies.) etc. I feel like i’m, in a sense, competing with so many people and that i’m just one person in a sea of many to him.
The sad thing is that I just really fancy him, though. If i’m being honest here, his personality and everything about the guy is just absolutely spot on for the type of person I’m attracted to relationship wise. From what he has shown of himself on his YouTube and everything else, he is a funny and caring and charming guy. So…I’m not sure what to do…if i’m obsessing or not (which i hope i’m not because that’s the last thing I want to do.) I respect him as a regular person and not just some “”"”YouTuber”"”" that has an English accent and all of that dumb stuff that is so irrelevant, which is why I feel stupid for even feeling this way about someone who technically I don’t even really know.
Thank you for reading my essay. haha.