Yesterday I flushed all my vicodin down the toilet.
I’m having withdrawal symptoms and I feel absolutely miserable, flu-like aches in my body, occasional nausea, a persistant headache, cold sweats.. the works.
I’m burdened with this anxiety, though. I feel like I destroyed my anchor, and I’m just drifting right now, either towards something better or something much darker and terrifying, but at least i’ll know now.
In two months I’ll be able to move out, but it’s possible my abusers will be taking in my nephew, so I will make an effort to stay here if that happens, to make sure they’re caring for him until he’s placed back with his mother.
I feel like this is a turning point in my life, and I don’t know which direction I’m going to drift towards but I think it’ll be alright, regardless.
I’m not going to be on here too much, there’s so many triggers around here, and I don’t want to succumb to these buried intentions, and desires. They’re at peace for now.
I’ve been sober for a week, and I haven’t hurt myself in two months. I’m writing in a journal, regularly to keep up to date on my progress.. I have a full journal stored elsewhere so that in a year or so I can see things from another perspective.
I’m doing yoga, and meditation to be a little more at ease, a little less anxiety-ridden, maybe help my depression some, since my abusers won’t let me seek proper care for my diagnostics..
I feel like I’m growing a little more intellectually each day, because I feel like I can communicate better, my thoughts make a little more sense, life overall isn’t just an impossible obstacle course.
I’ve been meeting some new people, too. They make me really nervous, but I know it’s just because I really enjoy their company. They’re patient with me, which I really appreciate.
It’s nice not to feel like such a burden..
anyways, just felt like updating.
feel free to message me, i’ll respond eventually, I’m sorry if it takes a while.
drifting, you know. it takes time.