butteredtoast said 7 years, 4 months ago:

So my best friend of almost 20 years blew up my phone last night calling me a bad friend and saying I never text her first to hang out and saying how I never do anything with her (I hung out with her twice this week and she blew me off on a possible third hang out). We’re very close and we fight a lot which is why the last few months I’ve stopped hanging out with her so much. My therapist even recommended it. I didn’t tell her that I just stopped hanging out several times a week and just to several times a month. That’s normal right? My friend works a crappy retail job on retail hours. I started working a full time mental health job that is incredibly stressful. My friend keeps asking to hang out late at night on weeknights and I tell her no but she gets angry and makes fun of me. The past year she’s been on and off dating this piece of shit. All my friend talks about is this creep. The last few times I did hang out with her all she did was talk about him and another boy she likes. That’s fine I like for my friends to come to me with their problems but I expect the same in return. When I try to tell her about my day or something she ignores me and cuts me off and continues to talk about her boy problems. This happens EVERY time we’ve hung out this month. I’ve done so much for her driven her anywhere let her borrow money and clothes and DVDs and I don’t get on her about paying me back or returning my things. I keep giving and giving and she calls me a bad friend for not asking her to hang out with me as often. I ignored her texts and I plan on ignoring her for a while. Everyone I talk to about this is like why do you put up with that? I tried telling her a few weeks ago I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and she ignored me and asked me what I thought of her boy problems. I’m so sick of her behavior but I can’t imagine not being friends with her. I stopped hanging out with her as often but she gets mad and when we hang out too often we fight like I just don’t know what to do and I can’t talk to her it’s like talking to a brick wall. I’m just exhausted of her treating me like this when I’ve done so much for her. I’ve told her in the past I’m sick of hearing of her boy drama but she doesn’t care she keeps talking about it. Side note I’ve picked her up from her house several times in the middle of the night when she’s called me crying hysterically I’ve paid for her to get her nails done and get food I’ve waited outside her shitty boyfriends house until 5am while they fought and she just doesn’t see that. She just calls me a bad friend bc I don’t text her first to hang out its ridiculous.

Dan said 7 years, 4 months ago:

You are absolutely right, It is rediculous, and you really shouldnt ever have to put up with something like that regardless of how close you are to the person. What im trying to understand is what caused this shift in behaviour, im assuming she wasn’t always this way. I would opt to say that she is way past her boundaries, and you’re incredible for helping her with the things you haveto put up with but the circumstanes are beyond rediculous. Sometimes friends change and eventually just part ways, it’s entirely natural like a book charecter finishing their side of the story before fading away once their part is played. Alot of the time it’s healthier for both of you. I would try to look into what brought on this change, I know what it feels like to be changed by depression and not be myself, It’s no excuse but understanding made it easier. By all means, have a breather. She needs to see that you arent there because you haveto be, and if the relationship is hurting you then you have no reason to stay in it espeically in your circumstances. People dirft apart just as other people float closer together, it’s natural and healthy. Holding on isn’t. Im glad youve tried, and im sure after giving it some time you’ll probably try again but this is a realisation that she needs to reach on her own, Im sure you can give her the well needed space to do just that.If you’d like to talk about anything Depression related, or related to your friend, PM me ^

butteredtoast said 7 years, 4 months ago:

Thank you so much for your reply! I feel like just ignoring her for now and giving her space is a good idea. I just don’t want to deal with her and her accusations. It’s just tough balancing time between work, family, boyfriend, all my friends, and still having time during the week to relax alone and enjoy some hobbies and depression can really hinder that when some days all I want to do is lay down and not talk to anyone.

Dan said 7 years, 4 months ago:

I know the feeling all to well, The trick to dealing with it sometimes, Is looking at it as the oberver and understanding how depression works on a cognative level. You can understand it either way, but to have and to learn, to pinpoint things in accordance to your own expereince, that’s when you really get it. Learn the nature of glass, only then can you break it. The cycle of depression can be broken, sometimes just by understanding it.

butteredtoast said 7 years, 4 months ago:

Thanks so much it sucks but just this whole thing with my friend is so frustrating and makes me so angry it’s hard to concentrate at work I’m so mad at her for this I didn’t even do anything last night she just asked me to hang out I said I couldn’t I was with my other friends and she flipped out on me sending me 30 texts saying how horrible of a friend I am to her for not asking her to hang out recently. Even after everything I’ve done got her it’s just so frustrating.

rinseandrep said 7 years, 4 months ago:

Sounds like she is getting the best out of this friendship, I would be upset too if I was her, but she’ll survive and find someone else who will listen to her, so I hope after this blowout you’ll have a pause and take care of yourself first. :) @butteredtoast

butteredtoast said 7 years, 4 months ago:

Thanks! I’m just going to ignore her for a while and talk to my therapist about this when I see her on friday. My sister thinks I should bring my friend to therapy and I’m kind of like eh idk but i’ll talk to my therapist about it friday. It’s just so frustrating how much I’ve done for her and for her to say I’m a bad friend just bc i don’t ask to hang out often. For now I’m just giving her space, I feel like something happened with her shitty boyfriend and she’s taking everything out on me.

rinseandrep said 7 years, 3 months ago:

@butteredtoast You can ask your therapist about this idea, but you are not a married couple. Think about this as giving space to yourself, and she seems to be a bad friend regardless of circumstances so it doesn’t matter what’s happening this week, she’ll survive without you, she doesn’t *need* you, even if you like that idea. It’s a good time to think about what you need from her if you ever want to go back being friends, and about being ready to keep staying away from her if she doesn’t change.

butteredtoast said 7 years, 3 months ago:

So last night I texted her how I felt about her saying all those things to me about being a bad friend to her. Apparently she’s mad at me and blew up at my Sunday night bc I don’t invite her over my place that much. I was like you’ve got to be kidding me!!! Then I told her I’m sick of hearing about her shitty boyfriend to which she started defending him while continuing to tell me how I’m a bad friend to her. I was so angry I stopped texting her immediately and I haven’t texted her since. I texted my sister last night too who feels the exact same way as me. My sister was basically saying she thinks our friend is just scared of everyone moving on with their lives and she’s still doing nothing and is very immature. I’m gonna wait for her to figure her own crap out and let her come to me I’m sick of being treated like this by her. I’ve hung out with her several times in November I thought that was normal apparently for her it wasn’t how insane.

Hayden said 7 years, 3 months ago:

It seems she can’t handle change very well, and/or is very dependent on your company.
Still, the way she’s treating you is awful. You’d be much better off without her in your life; that’s far too much negativity from her end. Plus, she’s being very selfish and not thinking about what you need.
It’s definitely a good idea to take a step back and cut off communication for awhile, if not altogether.

Humanist Hope said 7 years, 3 months ago:

Your “friend” is a user and you are better off without that terrible person.