RyanFromRiannon said 10 years, 1 month ago:

When you join, if you really want to tell your story, then go ahead! I’ll tell you mine (the first one up)

RyanFromRiannon said 10 years, 1 month ago:

When I was growing up, I only really had a father and a grandmother. No mother. I was born a female, but I grew up with toy trucks and dinosaurs and fishing and hunting and hanging out with my guy cousins. I always was told that I was a girl, but I was always with these male figures and I fit in. So why not just call myself a guy? I never really liked being a girl. Dresses were stupid (Duh, you can’t possibly go in the woods witha sun dress on now can ya?) skirts were too revealing, bows were a thing of infancy, I’ve never liked long hair, and puh-lease don’t try to make me wear some heals cuz those are just weird. Age ten came along, and My dad died. Then My grandmother I grew up with and loved died.I was shipped away and lived with my distant mother’s mother. I got easier ascess to the internet and I had to start learning all that nice stuff you do in sixth grade (if you get what I mean ;) ) and I realized, this girl stuff isn’t gonna work out for me. These things on my chest are really not that useful and only get in the way. That thing down there is totally gross. Don’t get me STARTED on that thing that happens every month or so, geez. Them muscles those GUYs have, I dig it. That system all down there, much more self comfy than this awkwardness. Less fat? Don’t we all want that, but the guy has better metabolism and they do things that are cooler so you can be fat less than girls. Pecs, at least better than tits, and also socially acceptable. I always have loved the guy body in a self sense better than a girls’. But… I also liked it in the way girls do… I wanted to be around those people, to be comfortable with a guy, to have a relationship with a guy. I kinda looked around at all these foreign things like homosexuality, transexuality, bisexuality, gender queerness, confusion of atraction for want of it, Gender Dysforia. I felt 101% comfortable with trans people and gay people already (who knew, that one uncle I always had turned out to used to be a girl O.O) (And those other two, how was ignorant me supposed to know “partner” meant “boyfriend”?) So I started mentally identifying myself as a guy. It was perfect inside. I could feel comfortable with thinking “ooooo girl look at that dude over there” and me being the only one to know that those thoughts were gay. Then I started recreating all of my online things as male and saying my name was Ryan instead of Riannon. It was heaven. There were people that were all like “awwww I think gay people are so cute” but they didnt know I was a girl in real life. And then there were people that were complete d**ks. They eventually made me feel so bad that I went into this dark void of depression, and started looking into this thing that people do where they make themselves bkeed on purpose (even though I secretly already did that on my own time when I got a complete commen-sense-blank-I-want-to-see-if-that-would-magically-make-blood-come-out spells) but I intentionally took sharp objects to my skin and hurt myself. Then I found out that my grandmother hated gay people and thought they were evil, and that hormonal replacement therapy was evil and unnatural and would darken the soul. I completely lost it and cried myself to sleep every night amd started losing confidence in myself. I couldnt go to the store, I couldnt talk to real people, I couldn’t twll my friends that my new name was Ryan, I couldnt face homophobes, I stopped going out of my room to go eat dinner because my grandmother was at the table with her judging comments. I was completely asocial in real life, and I only had the internet and my torture devices. I only had yhe people at school that also cut themselves, and that wasnt enough. On August 8, 2013, I tried to cut deep enough to kill myself. I couldnt do it, but my grandma saw my cuts and made her son come over and have a talk with me about self harm and he showed me his scars and he actually didnt know that I actually cut and just told me what could happen if I did start, and I tried to kill myself again. Didnt work. And then I had my yearly physical and they saw my scars and made me go to counceling for cutting when that was only a fifth of my problems. My councelor was a really f***ing weird old man, and I wasnt comfortable with talking to him, so I went online to do councwling so that I could still have the counceling credit without the awkwardness of knowing that that guy across the couches is seventy with ten schnauzers and five grandchildren and fifty witch patients and only other weird lawyer guys as friends and five jobs and a really awkward boring life. So here I am, telling my story. I’m thirteen, Im FtM trandgender, Im gay, and Ive dealt with anxiety, depression, death of close family, bullying, unacceptedness, self harm, and lonliness for about four years knowing, nine years unknowing. So what’s your story? Elaborate as much as you want or just say hi, your name (assigned or self given) and your problem (gay, trans, lesbian, bi, that horrible blade relationship, or bullying) and anything inbetween or beyond :)