Anxious Walnut said 7 years, 7 months ago:

It was middle school, I was around 14 or 15 year’s old, and I was pretty alone. I was a pretty different kid, well, let’s just say I was one of maybe 4 in the whole school that were even slightly alternative. For this, I was tortured on the daily. I wore long sleeves, not to hide my cuts, but to hide my bruises left from those who didn’t understand me. I developed PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder) which caused a dormant gene in my body to surface, it was from here on that I began to have symptoms of Tourette syndrome. One morning I made the choice to win that day, I was not going let the bullies control how I would dress. So, I put on my favorite Gir shirt, black skinny jeans, teased my hair, gave myself some pretty sick raccoon eyes, and to top it off I put on my new black tutu. My mom begged me to change cloths, she didn’t want to see me get hurt again. I refused, and boarded the bus. I got looks of course, some pretty low jabs, but I let them drip off me. I went from class to class like this, until I got to Mr.gunkle’s class. He was the known pervert in school, so, I wasn’t thrilled to be there at first. Then, I saw him, Ryan, a boy that would change my life. He had curly blond hair that hid his ears and piercing blue eyes, and as I walked in, he held a tight gaze on my tutu. I thought for sure I was about to get insulted, so I tried to beat him to the punch by starting the conversation first, asking him what he was looking at. Then to my shock, he complimented me, he thought my tutu was pretty great. haha and with my wonderful poetic vocabulary at the time I responded with “Hater’s gonna hate, might as well give em a reason”. I was beaming, I couldn’t tell you how great it was to be complimented for once. Then My friend (let’s just call her V) pretty much whispered in my ear “See! This is why I have such a big crush on him! Isn’t he great?”. My little heart deflated as I made the choice to stay out of the way, and remain his friend, and only his friend. Not to long after, Ryan and my friend began to date. However, that didn’t stop our friendship. We became super close, he started to get curious about different music and I made him a mix CD of all my favorite bands at the time. He had mix feelings about it xD. Then, High School came, I was immediately adopted by some upperclassmen that truly made me feel welcome. We all hung out at this specific table in the library and that’s where I could be found every morning. Ryan came to see me sometimes, but my new friends slightly intimated him, so, seeing him was rare. In around the middle of the school year, Ryan and V broke up. I’m not going to lie, I was secretly very excited for their break up, but, then slightly upset because not only was I already in a relationship, but, I had a rule to never date a friends ex. V was terrified that I liked Ryan, I swore to her, nothing would ever happen. So, I let him go again, and he started to date a new girl (let’s call her Amanda).

Fast forwarding to my senior (around October 2014).

Ryan and I have both grown. I went from your fluffy (195lb) scene kid, to a confident pudgy (165lb) pinup-punked out-dress whatever I feel like young adult. And Ryan? Dude, I did not think Ryan could get any more attractive but I was dead wrong. His style changed to skin tight skinny jeans and band shirts that was always paired with his black jean jacket. His short curly blond hair now rests on his collar bone in a long thick majestic mane that drapes down from beneath his beanie. He lost his baby weight and grew like weed into this tall slender perfect body that could cradle you for hours. Dude and his cute scruff? DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT PERFECT SCRUFF OF HIS. He even got into some crazy heavy music, music I never even got fully got into.
By now, He’s still with Amanda and I’ve had my fair share of relationships, all pretty bad. At this point, I’ve been sexually abused, convinced I deserved the worst, and currently dating a man that was not only long distance, but cheated on me, and didn’t treat me great. I’d been with this man for a number of year, and our relationship was going down hill, but, I told myself I was happy, and stuck with it.
However during this time, Me and Ryan were getting closer than ever. We FINALLY had a class together, and I frequently began attending his band practices, we even wrote one of our favorite teachers a birthday ransom letter together, stating if we weren’t thanked within 24hours for the letter, the cake would bite the dust. (We were not thanked xD )
Ryan and his girl friend were not doing to well, and I was dealing with my dad’s 3rd year death anniversary coming up. So, he invited me to come over one Friday, We planned to smash a cake and take a picture of it (for the teacher that didn’t thank us), let him do some venting, and then I’d get dressed and leave for homecoming.
So, we got there, and the first thing he did was take me to a local ice cream shop and bought me some ice cream ^_^ (no one’s ever bought me ice cream) and we back to his place to smash cupcakes. Afterwords we went to his room to chill, and he pulled out a CD, the same CD I made for him in middle school (almost 4 years ago)
That day we did the fallowing
-eat ice cream
-smashed cupcakes with a bat
-took Polaroid selfies
-listened to a super embarrassing mix CD xD
-vented heavily about our lives
-watched Bravest Warriors
While we watched Bravest Warriors, we were laying on his bedroom floor together. It was this moment that I realized, I felt safe. For the first time in years, I was alone with a man, and I wasn’t scared. I looked over have him, yearning to curl up in a little ball in his arms and the truth hit me like a truck. I still wanted to be with Ryan.
That night, I got dressed for homecoming in his bathroom. I had on my strapless striped dress with this super fluffy tutu underneath to make it poofy, and for a finishing touch, my bicker boots. I stepped out and his eyes lit up for a split second, which only made me melt more in his eyes. He gave me a hug, and off to homecoming I went. (Although, I did get there a bit late xD and couldn’t get him out of my mind the entire time)

I didn’t know if he liked me, I didn’t think he ever would. How could he? I’d been told for year’s I was to fat and ugly for anyone to love me.
Even though thinking back, his body langue said maybe, just maybe, he liked me to.
I started to call him CatBug, do to the fact that we were watching the Bravest Warriors when I relived my feelings for him.

Well, him and his girlfriend broke up, and one day I was over at his house.
I was sitting on his bed doing Economics homework and looked up to see a VERY uncomfortable looking Ryan.
He said we needed to talk.
My heart sank
I thought for sure he was going to tell me that we needed to stop being so close.
That he wouldn’t hug me as long..
or hold my hand when I needed it..
I was scared
Then he spoke, sputtering out that he had a crush on me. I could feel my cheeks turn hot, and if I recall right, I think I hid under his covers, or just my face.
All I remember is that I keep saying “You like me?” over and over again.

So, I left my unhealthy relationship, and me and Ryan began to wait. We both wanted to wait a bit before becoming official.
Then, at 12am on Nonmember 15th 2014, I woke up in his arms to him asking me to be his girlfriend.

Haha wow…even writing that makes my heart skip a beat all over again.

For the first time in my life, I have been treated like I am worth the air I breath.
He’s hasn’t
-assaulted me
-insulted me
or make me feel bad about myself

I couldn’t ask for a better Boyfriend.
I am dating my best friend, my dream guy, and the sweetest guy a girl could ever want. I’ve never felt so safe, and wanted.

I love my CatBug

Danyell said 7 years, 7 months ago:

This story made ME feel like I was entering into a long unrequited relationship ^_^ I even got butterflies when I read the part about him liking you!

I’m so jealous of you, and hope I can one day make that same connection with someone.

Also, you have a great writing style, and if you don’t write (at least fanfiction) you should. :P