hardstyle4life said 6 years, 8 months ago:

I don’t think it really is a problem its just getting more and more frustrating. Every time i see a girl and i want to start a conversation or a girl begins talking to me i just don’t know what to say or how to respond or how to begin. I just completely “shut down”. And I often hear “just be yourself”, but I don’t even know how to be myself in these situations because I just can’t think clearly anymore.

Does anyone have any advice/tips for me please?

thanks, joost

Deleted User said 6 years, 8 months ago:

We are nothing but just normal people like you and we breathe the same air as you do.

“You’re no better or no worse than the others,
we are all the same.”

Treat us like you would with any other person and/or friend.

(◣_◢)Poet said 6 years, 8 months ago:

@xnicholex3 is right. things like flirting will come, just be patient and show a casual interest. that’s where you’ll be most comfortable and sound more knowledgeable because you’ll only talk about what you know.

Deleted User said 6 years, 8 months ago:

@live4hardstyle Joost,

1. love your new profile pic!

2. You’re a really nice and interesting guy. I think you’re letting anxiety get the best of you, which is why you’re shutting down. Be mindful of your thoughts. Don’t panic and freak out while searching for something to say. Keep it cool and casual, act like you’re just making conversation with someone you’re comfortable with.

If you wanna talk about this more, hit me up on Skype.

Kyle said 6 years, 8 months ago:

Hey, I’m new around here so hello everyone.
@hardstyle4life
A good thing to imagine is that they are dudes and you talk like they’re just a guy you met. It alleviates the pressure of “ohmanitsagirl”, and it gives you an idea of what to say. Like someone said above, they breathe the same air we do and likely experience the same type of anxiety. That’s why you’re good to just be yourself, you have wit and charisma to you close friends and people (girls) will notice that if they pay attention ;) cheers

thriowo said 6 years, 8 months ago:

Hey, you’ll hear a lot of things like to “be yourself” and to just “treat them like everyone else”, but, as I’m sure you’re aware – it’s not that simple in practice.

Practically speaking, it’s impossible to just start treating them normally straight away. If you could do that, there’d be no problem, right? So, really, what needs to happen is you’ve got to identify what it is that actually makes you treat people differently.

For example, I find it a little easier to talk to women if I ‘pretend’ they have a boyfriend or something at first. That helps me not get hung up on trying to be attractive – and lets me see them a little more like an actual person rather than some sort of object.

Personally, I find the core problem of anxiety is that you’re really thinking about yourself. This has the consequence of meaning that you don’t really fully hear and understand what the other person says (because you’re busy freaking out), and as a result the conversation simply cannot go anywhere.

I can’t really speak as an authority on the matter, but I advise trying to focus as much as possible on listening and paying attention to what’s going on. You can use whatever techniques you like to help you – pretend they’re a dude, whatever. The point is, to hold a conversation, you should be actively trying to focus on the other person’s words – this has a convenient side effect of drawing your attention away from yourself.

Good luck

Miss.TalksAlot said 6 years, 8 months ago:

Don’t overthink when you’re talking to a girl (at least try ’cause it’s not like you can decide to stop thinking).

I once read somewhere that faking confidence gives you confidence, Try it?

And another thing, plenty of girls are as scared to talk to guys as you are scared to talk to a girl. Someone has to start a conversation once right?