Deleted User said 4 years, 8 months ago:

I don’t really know what this comes under, but yesterday I learnt the term “lithromantic” which generally means the person can feel romantic love but doesn’t desire reciprocation. I was reading what people had to say about it and a lot were describing that the moment someone confessed their feelings for them or seemed too attached, that person seemed to become unappealing. I understand completely how they feel there. Like, the moment someone wants to take the next step I immediately just want to back away and besides feeling guilty turning the person down, I have no problems in just walking off. It sounds harsh and like I’m just playing with hearts, but I’m not the sort of person who likes to let people down. So anyway, I was thinking that I probably am lithromantic, however I’m unclear on something. By definition it says that a lithromantic feels romance until the feeling is reciprocated. Well I can feel the love and stuff in tv shows, books, movies etc, but I don’t feel any sort of romance when I try dating. And by the definition of aromantic it’s not feeling the romance at all. So I’m wondering if I am lithromantic or aromantic or just somewhere in between. And I wonder if I’m even lithromantic at all like with the feelings I get for fictional characters. I enjoy pairing them off and get happy when they get together, but is that just me getting happy because they’re happy or am I feeling the romance? Also, when thinking about romantic things like hand-holding, cuddling etc, if I see it in a movie or something I just think about how cliche it is and if I try to imagine myself doing those actions I only think about how annoying it is. Even the things like dinner, movies, walking along the beach I just see as something friends do together; I don’t really feel or imagine the romantic atmosphere. I was talking to someone actually, and they were trying to be romantic and say romantic things and instead of thinking “aww, how sweet!” my reaction was “ew.” and made a face. Also, I’ve read that if someone’s in love they feel like they need the other person to survive, and I’ve honestly never ever felt that way in my entire life. In fact, there was a time where after having a discussion about something, he said “I need you and you need me” and I got so offended that he thought I needed someone else. He later told me he was trying to have a moment, but I obviously didn’t feel what he intended haha I feel so bad discovering this about myself, not because I feel bad that I probably won’t fall in love, but because the amount of people I’ve turned away when they well and truly like me. Like, I’ve always just thought that I had to get to know someone first before I developed feelings, and while I really click with someone, they fall deeper and deeper for me and then I’m still stuck here on the surface only feeling like friends. I only ever seem to have like a platonic sort of love where I really enjoy someone’s company and talking with them and just getting along well, but I’m not ever interested in going further. But it’s a pain too because I like sex, but I don’t want it with just anyone, so obviously I try to meet people and get to know them and one day maybe we’ll sleep together, but then the more they talk to me, they end up getting feelings and confessing and it just starts my cycle all over again. I am so glad I did some research and found out that there’s a term for how I’ve felt, because all this time I’ve felt like I’m just really cruel playing with people’s hearts, and I could never understand why I never felt the same way. Now that I know this, I feel like I understand myself more. If there’s anyone here that relates and wants to share their experience, I wouldn’t mind hearing about if you’ve felt the same way, what’s different for you etc

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