Deanosauras said 6 years, 8 months ago:

Hi,
I am trying to help a friend who has been sexually assaulted in early teens and then again there was an unsuccessful attempt on her in late teens.

She hasn’t told anyone including her parents but me because she fears people will think she is impure and she was at fault for her sexual assault.

I understand why she fears that because has a religious family and her past sexual assaults means she doesn’t trust anyone.

I have assured her it wasn’t her fault. She is an amazing person. I really want to help her and I have told her that she can take her time and I am trying to be the person she can trust in her life.

I am afraid that I don’t have all the knowledge that a therapist would have in helping a sexual assault survivor. She told me that she may never be able to get the courage to talk to a therapist.

She is in a different continent. So long distance helping is difficult. We text each other and I am being extremely patient with her and assuring that she can take as much time as she needs.

She will have to get help from a therapist at some point. She doesn’t want to tell family and she hasn’t been able to socialise much since her teens so she doesn’t have many friends to help her locally.

What should I do? Any good advice on this situation?

rinseandrep said 6 years, 8 months ago:

I say, drop that goal, and just be her friend. You can be the friend she talks to distract herself from her problems, you don’t have to be the friend-whom-she-talks-about-how-she-needs-help-but-nothing-can-be-done-ever with.

Before you said this is long distance, I was going to say to just tell her that when she feels like she wants to try therapy you’ll be there to support her, but I feel that’s too hard to do from distance. You can try though.

I think you are doing enough by helping her practice sharing it with people, but remember that you have been told exactly because you can do zero about it, so be at peace within the boundaries you have been assigned.

Deanosauras said 6 years, 8 months ago:

@rinseandrep Thank you for the advice.

I realised that I started to make it about me because I care about her.

You know sometimes you care about someone and don’t want to see them hurt everyday. That hurts you because you care about them.

So that emotion took over and I started to feel frustrated.

Now I realise it. So, I will be more patient.

Thank you again.