Nen said 10 years, 6 months ago:

Normally, I’m a Listener.
I listen to people’s problems, and I like it. Love it, in fact. Even though I feel helpless sometimes, because I know I can’t fix them or their problems. And sometimes I wonder, if I am good enough.

I know I still need to learn a lot, but I’m on my well.

Today was the first time I went into a chat as a Venter myself. I mentioned my self harm.
And the other person told me

“i mean what parent would want someone who still cuts right?”

I was shocked. I have enough distance to this problem that I am able to not take this personally, but it’s the first time someone said something like this to me.
In a friendly way, I told my listener that in the future, he should never, ever say something like this again. I left the conversation and tried to calm down.

But somehow, I can’t. In fact, this makes me furious!

And I just want to say.. if anybody got said something like this, or it happens in the future:

Please, do not listen. Please.

Because you know what? You are not a failure. And you are not weak. Yes, there are problems. Yes, you should find a way to stop. Find a way to cope with your problems in a less self-destructive way.
But you are not a disappointment because of this. Neither are you nor am I!

I know I will find a way to get out of this. And if I get to be a social worker as I am planning to and if I should ever be confronted with someone who is suffering, I want to make them see that it is possible to change. It is possible to recover.
I want to be a role model. And I will. It will take some more time, I’m not there yet. But I will.

I wished that nobody has to feel this way, to do these self-destructive stuff. Be it self-harming or something else..
But blaming someone and making them feel guilty is not the right way to do it.

So I just wanted to let this out.
You are not a disappointment.
You are loved, with or without scars.
You can be better. I believe in you.
I do.

BlackGoldfish said 10 years, 6 months ago:

Oh god.. I am sorry that you had to experience that. That’s really rough.
Honestly, I have experienced a couple other incidents myself that resembles yours closely. I tend to refrain from ‘Venting’ on the chat anymore. I know that If I really needed to vent, I could gladly find someone on the forums.
But your post here, actually really helped me.
My boyfriend sometimes makes me feel ashamed for cutting. He doesn’t do is vindictively, he does it because he doesn’t understand it and he doesn’t know how to help me.
But sometimes I feel so worthless, and I feel that he deserves someone better, someone who knows how to actually deal with their issues.
He is also strongly believe in freedom of choice (Ex. Pro-ana, Pro-Cutting “Its your body, do what you want with it” ) Which I have come a long way from. Yeah.
But thank you for this amazing post.

Steph said 10 years, 6 months ago:

Thank you for this, it’s quite insightful and helpful. I myself am trying to stop, and feel a great deal of shame, and am at the same time am a parent trying to deal with hiding it from my kids. My feeling around this are so conflicted, I just try to remember that they love me. I just don’t want to even plant the seed of ever doing this in their heads.