Profile picture of Deanosauras
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Deanosauras said 9 years, 2 months ago:

Hi,
I am trying to help a friend who has been sexually assaulted in early teens and then again there was an unsuccessful attempt on her in late teens.

She hasn’t told anyone including her parents but me because she fears people will think she is impure and she was at fault for her sexual assault.

I understand why she fears that because has a religious family and her past sexual assaults means she doesn’t trust anyone.

I have assured her it wasn’t her fault. She is an amazing person. I really want to help her and I have told her that she can take her time and I am trying to be the person she can trust in her life.

I am afraid that I don’t have all the knowledge that a therapist would have in helping a sexual assault survivor. She told me that she may never be able to get the courage to talk to a therapist.

She is in a different continent. So long distance helping is difficult. We text each other and I am being extremely patient with her and assuring that she can take as much time as she needs.

She will have to get help from a therapist at some point. She doesn’t want to tell family and she hasn’t been able to socialise much since her teens so she doesn’t have many friends to help her locally.

What should I do? Any good advice on this situation?

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Profile picture of Rising Above
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Deleted User said 9 years, 2 months ago:

I think all you can do is to try and be there for her. The reason she has told you is probably because you are so far away and she wants someone to listen to her so she doesn’t feel so alone.
Survivors often blame themselves because in some ways it gives them a sense of control-it’s a subconscious coping mechanism in a way.
Survivors do this very often because accepting they had no control over it can make them feel weak and a victim-reassuring her that she is not a victim but indeed a strong courageous survivor who although had no control over what happened she does have control over her life now and the power to overcome this.
Telling people what happened is hard and takes a lot of courage and she has done brilliantly telling you-remind her of that.
There are sites which could help support her through this such as Aftersilence.org or Pandys.org.
It sounds like you have been doing great so far, and the only other advice I can give you is to keep doing what your doing-listening and reassuring that she is not alone and encouraging her to seek help.
Best of luck.

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Profile picture of SomedaysDreamer
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SomedaysDreamer said 9 years, 2 months ago:

All you can do is listen to her and keep encouraging her to get help.
When that happened to me, that’s mostly what I needed; was a good friend who was willing to listen to me even though I was really depressed all the time.

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Profile picture of Deanosauras
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Deanosauras said 9 years, 2 months ago:

@somedaysdreamer Thank you for advice.

I hope you are doing better now. XO

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