FallenHearts said 10 years, 4 months ago:

When I was three my parents divorced. My dad was a lunatic who hurt my mom. He neglected us and for years we wouldn’t even see him. I remember sitting by the window, each and everyday hoping he would come back. I hoped that all the promises he made were true and that he would keep them. My older brothers accepted that he was not coming back and moved on with their lives.

A year after they divorced my mom met my step-dad. (Who had two daughters of his own, and one with my mom; never touched them). He would always have strict rules and every time I did something wrong, (which was everyday; I have ADHD), he would hit the top of my head hard and make me cry and tell me that I was a bad child. Even if I didn’t mean it.

I even contribute my constant headaches to be a cause of this; but not completely.

I remember once when I couldn’t sleep at night he came in my room and took away all my stuffed animals and threw them in the other room; I couldn’t sleep without them. Or the time where because of him I was afraid to go to the bathroom up stairs and only in the powder room. (Years later he wondered why this was). I even ran to school crying because of what my step-dad said to me.

Even if it has gotten better and I avoid him most of the time, I still remember those times he would hit me for the stupid reasons or mistakes that I would have made. He even kicked my brothers out when they were 17.

My dad came back in my life. I still feel neglect for some cases, (hard to have a honest conversation with him). I’m even been told all my life that I am just like my dad through personality! That brings the question; will I treat my family the same?

My brothers told me to forgive him, and I say I do, but I do remember all those years of waiting by that window. All alone. However, lately that feeling of him coming to see me came back, (when I was by the window). What if the past repeats and I’m just left waiting again?

Anyways, I accepted that. It was abuse right? Not as bad as other people, but still abuse? Though it is now over, I still accept the problems that came with it.

Anyone with similar problems? What do you people think?

FallenHearts said 10 years, 4 months ago:

Yeah, you think so? I’m told by my mom that my stepdad was treated differently than the rest of his siblings, and he is a serious alcoholic. My dad I know had crazy family members, and disorders, or at least that is the perspective of my mom. I guess they were abused, and they have to take it out on someone or something. In my case, I do have to see my father. For reasons I can’t explain. I don’t quite forgive what they did, but I think if I turn another way, I might forget. I might forget all those memories. I guess it is hard. I want to believe that I will not make the same mistake, but I will never know until I do have children and find someone. If I ever do. Anyways, thanks for the support. You were helpful, and understanding, thanks.