wingsofeagles said 7 years, 6 months ago:

I have been deathly afraid to tell my therapist this because the situation was just so weird.
I was made to watch sexually explicit material featuring both men and women. It was the first and only time I ever viewed anything like it. I was slightly aroused at both of them, despite being terrified and repulsed and begging him to change the channel and such, and I noticed when I went to the bathroom shortly after he had ridiculed me for being there, saying I must have wanted it, that my underwear had a slight stain on it.
I’ve been afraid ever since. Afraid that nobody would believe it or hush it up as my parents did. Afraid that that encounter with materials like that alone would make me like it which I DIDN’T, afraid that I was gay or bisexual simply because of that incident alone. And afraid that every boy I’ve ever liked since was just as ugly as he was (and at least one of them was.)
Has anyone else had experience with this? Was this normal?

notreallyhere said 7 years, 6 months ago:

Hi there,
I don’t know what age you were when this happened but it doesn’t really matter because YESx100 times YES it’s normal but what happened to you and what you had to endure isn’t and should never have happened.
Arousal during abuse isn’t something that is often talked about but is very common amongst survivors which can cause a lot of people guilt and shame. What you felt and how your body responded was a natural response to arousing stimulus because we are all sexual beings.
Below is an article that can explain this better than I can.
There was nothing wrong with you, it was only ever your abuser who was at fault.