Justanotherguy said 5 years, 10 months ago:

So I’m not sure what I’m wanting to post here, but I suppose I would rather my thoughts be read by someone, somewhere, rather than not.

I’m extremely depressed, and anxious nearly all the time. I have some really bad habits that impact these ailments quite harshly, but my main problem is that being out of these states of mind… Doesn’t really interest me.

I’ve eaten better, slept better, avoided all things addiction and what not – And I’ve felt like I’ve had more energy, more life in me than I do at this moment, but my major problem is… Why? Why should I want more energy, more life, happiness and such?

I’m going to work the same job, live in the same house, and have the same everything surrounding me – I realize this sounds like textbook depression, not being able to see the end of the storm, thinking things are worse than they are but like I’ve said, I’ve been better than this at different points in my life and I have to say… That life doesn’t interest me. No life really does – Nor has any life interested me no matter how happy, sad, angry, depressed, content, lonely, etc I feel.

Just wondering if anyone else has been here, and what I should do, if anything.

Deleted User said 5 years, 10 months ago:

If a seed is carried by the wind to an inhospitable place, yet germinates and sprouts, it may not grow to be as large and lush as it might have in a garden. But the urge toward becoming a tree is deep within it and it will do its best and, in doing so, will fulfill its purpose.

Plants tend to dig their roots deep and keep growing in any way they can, even if the results might be labeled “stunted,” “twisted,” or “deformed.” The cypresses that grow on the edges of ocean cliffs, shaped by buffeting winds, are not deformed. They are extraordinarily beautiful.

I believe the human equivalent is exploring our inner selves and continuously creating goals that go hand in hand with our constantly changed views of the world and ourselves,fighting depression and going through life in general is not about professional success at all. It’s about accepting the “buffeting winds” when they come, and reaching toward the sun the best we can. Whether we ultimately bear societally approved fruit or not, we are still beautiful beyond measure just because we keep on going. Create new goals and seek them, life doesn’t just happen to you and no situation is unchangeable.

Justanotherguy said 5 years, 10 months ago:

That’s rather beautifully said, system, and the analogy and alluding to plants is amazing to say the least.

At this point in my life, I feel more like I am in the wind, possibly in a vortex, unable to land and plant my roots, unable to call a place ( in my mind ) home. I don’t know what I want, but as my original post states, it’s not exactly to be in a better mood, it’s not about smiles and laughing for me, it’s about so much more… Yet I can’t define it, I cannot definitively say ” I want ” about much at all. Only peace. That’s the one thing I want to feel.

Did you know in large forests, the trees are all connected? There’s different ways they are connected, but this includes the ability to share nutrients with each other, it’s the opposite of a Dog-eat-dog world, they actually share resources with each other for the better of the entire forest.

As of now, I feel like I neither provide for others, nor receive from others, I’ve been rejected by many people and don’t know exactly how I fit into the equation – Whether it be just myself, attachment to others, or otherwise.

DuvetSister said 5 years, 10 months ago:

Hello, I’ve not got a lot more to add… But I wanted to say something because what you’ve explained about things remaining the same and also not feeling connected to other being through the exchanging of good will, I have a mutual understanding, and I want to find people who I can talk to openly about this. The more its discussed, the more we can support each other on-line about making changes in our lives that may eventually see us though this bad chapter. What do you think?

I keep talking to people to look for ideas of how to change things. I end up starting all over again a lot, but I don’t want to ever give up the fight.

I know the options are medication, therapies, confidence course, also I saw the possibility of a rehabilitation retreat… But with me its just gaining access to the right treatment.

Btw, That analogy for us being like plants that root ourselves to the ground was really good. Thaaankyoou.