Mia said 9 years, 6 months ago:

There is this guy, we’ll call him Connor. Connor and I, since day 1 have hated each other for no reason, well not hate, but we never exactly got along either. I would make fun of him, he would make fun of me, we’d snap at each other and stuff. But at other times Connor and I, we’re like best friends, we laugh at the same things and get the same jokes. He asks me for help and I ask him for help and stuff. But at others we’re clawing at each others throats. We’ve been like this for 4 years.

About a week ago, I got this crazy thought in my head that I liked him. Then I started digging deeper and I definitely like him. A lot, I love every little detail and flaw. But the thing is I feel like and I know that he doesn’t see me as a girl or anyone special. He has 0.5% interest in me.

I’m scared about how all of this is going to turn out. Which is obviously in heartbreak, and embarrassment. Any advice in making him see me as something a little more attractive than I am now?

Cryptongolem said 9 years, 6 months ago:

Lauren,
I want to tell you a story of my current girlfriend, her and i had very little in common in the beginning, we didnt agree on things but we had those few things that kept us talking.
Well, i didnt see her as any more then a fuck friend, which isnt the best thing, but it was what we agreed upon. As the days went on she started liking me more and more and it started showing after awhile, but i wasnt interested. She wasn’t my type, she hadnt proved to me that she hit my standard. Why was that? There was very little reason, i just didnt think it would work.
A year goes by with her doing nothing but being amazing, being completely selfless, helping me out whenever i needed it, acting similarly to when your in a long term relationship, with love.
Even though i still thought she wasn’t up to my standard or she wasn’t special, she still proved to me through her actions that i was wrong, and that despite all the superficial bullshit, she was indeed the one for me.
We’ve been together for 2 and a half years in 22 days after our 1.5 year of fuck buddies.
I tell you this story because i want to drive home the fact that you may think he has .5% interest in you, and it may be true, but you will NEVER know when that .5% goes up to 1.0 or when it goes up to 25%. The best thing you can do is be exactly the person he likes in you, keep pushing towards it, show off your best qualities and prove to him that you ARE the right person for him.

My biggest take away is think about how quickly your emotions turned from nothing but friends to full on emotion. What makes you think he cannot be capable of the same thing? Or that he hasn’t already felt this?

Spend more time with him, laugh at his jokes and show visible interest, some guys dont like a forward girl, but if your just only a little bit forward then he can catch on without feeling threatened.

Jess said 9 years, 6 months ago:

Oh my god, completely ignore what the person above me wrote. I’ve never read such a genuine load of bullshit. That girl needs better. He talks about her like she’s a personal assistant, not a lover. Anyway..

Never change yourself for the sole purpose of pleasing someone else. There is nothing wrong with you. You don’t need to change to prove yourself worthy or to make yourself attractive. You know why? You’re already half way there.

When you and ‘Connor’ are having your best friend phases, what stands out? Is it your sense of humor? Do you have things in common? Similar opinions? Behaviours? Are you both loud? Are you both adventurous? Hobbies? Etc. Look for those shared characteristics. Sit back, put your feet up, and have a real long think about it. Go back a few love/hate cycles, not just the recent one.

Whatever you find, you focus on those things. Those are the things you want to rely on when you’re around him. If it’s hobbies or movies or games, bring it up around him.

Same now goes for when you’re fighting. What makes you fight? What do you do when you fight that makes the fight worse? Etc. Avoid those things. In saying this, don’t censor yourself into a robot, but you want to let the little things go. Learn to wait five minutes, to breathe, and go back into it with a clear head.

Now, ask him to hang. Invite him to do things that you wouldn’t normally do together. If you don’t think he sees you as a girl, just casually insert some stereotypical girly topics. Just be like “I love my hair today, it’s so soft” or “I loved that romcom with *insert good looking male here*” in it”. You could even do your hair up nice and ask him what he thinks. Also compliment him where acceptable- like if he looks particularly nice one day or he accomplishes something he has been working towards.

As for direct flirting- sorry. I’m not experienced there, but I think it will come to you. You will think of things to say in the moments, things that are relevant to both the situation and both of your personalities. I could give you a million lines and none of them could work because I have no idea what either of you are like.

I hope this helps a little and isn’t just dribble. Good luck, I hope it works out. Just remember that if you do nothing, it’s most likely nothing will happen. Just start small. x

Mia said 9 years, 6 months ago:

@jess thanks so much for any advice given. Better than what my friends gave me :)