I have been overweight my entire life. I was always the fat girl, no matter where I went. When I was younger, I thought that it wasn’t a problem and that people were just being superficial in the way they judged me. Eventually, that security disappeared. Everyone would applaud me on how well I carried myself. They were surprised by my confidence. But, in fact, I was as insecure as anybody could possibly be. I put on a show as “the confident big girl” because it left no room for anyone to make stupid remarks. My “confidence” also brought all the looks of pity and shallow judgements to a halt. Now, I’m 18 and I find it difficult to keep putting on a show. I’m disgusted by weight and I realize that my insecurity has been holding me back from losing weight. How? I am terrified of stepping foot in a gym again. I had a gym membership when I was 15-17 and went regularly but I did not lose any weight because I wasn’t doing anything right. I now know what I need to do, but I’m terrified of working out in the same space as the bulked and the slim. It’s what some call “GYMtimidation.” I know that I need to lose weight to be comfortable with myself but I cant seem to get past the intimidation of working out in a gym. It may seem like an irrational fear, but it is very real and present in my mind. Nothing scares me as much as the idea of being the only overweight person huffing and puffing in the middle of a gym. Another thing that I’m worried about is loss of motivation. I fear that I will lose motivation as I have so many times before. I know that if I stick to it, I will see results. But the slow process always gets the best of me.