Jpcace said 9 years, 9 months ago:

I never was very outgoing and haven’t really met a lot of people that I can really consider that I actually know them.
As I get older, specially around my birthday which never fails to remind me that I’m wasting years of my life one at a time, I get increasingly more worried.
I’m just 1 year away of finishing college, and still haven’t found my significant other (or had any type of relationship, in that matter). I see all my friends getting pretty serious with their relationships at this stage and I can’t help but think if there’s something wrong with me.
When I’m at a party or somewhere with a group of people, I’m usually the one who just almost listens. It’s not that I’m bored or anything, I just don’t have anything to say most of the times and don’t really see the point of saying something just for the sake of it. When I try to do so, specially in 1on1 interactions with people, I usually always get those weird responses from people (like they could tell I’m just making awful chit-chat, lol).
I’m getting more and more certain that I’m just pushing people away and not allowing myself to:
A) not getting to know other people
B) not letting people I already know getting to know myself better
I know I need to change my habits, but being more expressive and outgoing with people just isn’t in my nature. I’m scared I give people the impression that I’m always grumpy, bored or in a bad mood when most of the times I’m just worried/nervous trying to make a good impression.
I think a lot about being lonely and it really affects me emotionally. And I get the feeling that, if I don’t change soon, I’d end up with no friends at all and single for decades. When I was younger, I thought this would fix itself when I’d get to my 20s. I just turned 22 a few days ago and needless to say, it didn’t fix itself (and I was probably dumb to think it would in the first place).

Jpcace said 9 years, 9 months ago:

I agree that I shouldn’t try to be someone I’m not. I consider myself to be very truthful to my real personality and can recall plenty occasions where I didn’t cave in to what people do just because “everybody’s doing it” (as long as I didn’t want to). But I feel like this is a change that must happen, and should have happened years ago. It’s something I’ve been dwelling for quite a while now, maybe since early high school.

On one hand, I always end up thinking to myself: “you’re not an outgoing person by nature, you shouldn’t just start introducing yourself to people everywhere just because you feel lonely and unaccepted/unlovable”
But on the other hand I think: “if you don’t change and start meeting people and be more outgoing, you’ll end up alone”

Maybe this is my eager to meet someone special soon, but I always get worried as time goes by and I’m not doing enough to fight this…like it is some sort of race and everyone else has already crossed the finish line and received all the awards (excuse my cheesy metaphor, lol).

JustASpeck said 9 years, 8 months ago:

Hey guys,
I had the same problem for a long time. I just finished university and am starting a post grad degree in college. I can truly say I have 2 friends, one of them closer than the other. They both have steady relationships and have stuck by me through a lot. I met both of them by joining campus clubs that interested me. Like it or not I had something to say on the topics that came up, and as time went by I found it more comfortable to open up. Like you, I am also not one to say something just for the sake of saying it, and a lot of times I wondered if it would have been better if I were mute… If you feel that the people you know now are truly your friends and you’re scared of losing them, you should feel comfortable enough to discuss your being quiet around them. What do they think? Maybe they’re completely okay with it, or they’re waiting for you to open up.
Like I said, try joining a club, if not on campus then in your community. Maybe see if you can start a club. I think that everyone has at least one person they can call a friend, and they must have someone they can live with as significant other. You just need to meet new people.
I hope this has given you an idea, if not, and you want to add or clarify something, we can talk more.
Here’s to you finding or furthering some lasting friendships!

JustASpeck said 9 years, 8 months ago:

Sounds like a good idea! I hope things work out!