Ides said 6 years, 9 months ago:

My life is one big groundhog day.

Every weekday I get up late, hitting the snooze button over and over until I make myself get up to get ready to go to a place I have no interest in. How does one find meaning in a job that if I died tomorrow would be unmissed by everyone? I reassure myself that I do a good job and that if I wasn’t there, things wouldn’t run quite so smoothly, but they would. I don’t have some secret ability that someone else couldn’t acquire the same way I have.

I’ve lived in the same town my whole life except for a few month stint with some friends, still in the same state. Sometimes I think, “If I moved, maybe things would be different.” But it’s that whole the grass is always greener thing. Things probably wouldn’t be different. I’d still lack motivation and ambition and be no better off, just lacking a paycheck.

I’ve seen a few posts on here suggesting joining groups, volunteering, etc. I think about those things often. Do I believe in God anymore? No, but I often think about going to church, just to have a sense of community. Every so often I think I should go volunteer, if I’m not going to do anything productive for myself, why don’t I go help others that are less fortunate? The thoughts fade and I continue to be a rock, unmoving. I can’t even muster the motivation to go buy furniture to furnish my apartment, much less go to a homeless shelter.

Every week is exactly the same. Get up, work, come home, play video games with friends, sip some beer, puff on an e-cig, go to sleep. Weekends come along. “I’m going to get some things done this weekend!” Friday evening rushes by, it’s 4 a.m. on Saturday, I finally call it quits. It’s 1 p.m on Saturday, I’m waking up. The day is over halfway over, might as well just get on the computer again. It’s Sunday night, time to go to sleep for work tomorrow. Every week is exactly the same.

Thank you for giving me a place to just write this down and vent. Anyone who takes the time to read this, I hope you have a wonderful day/evening.

OpenTalk said 6 years, 9 months ago:

And I hope you have a wonderful day/evening as well, Ides. I can empathize with a lot of this. There was once a time when I couldn’t even get up the nerve to get out of bed, even though my life was pretty successful on the surface. It was a nasty mix of anxiety and over-thinking. You may in a similar situation.

I think venting like this is a good step forward. Often times these feelings tend to build up inside you, just making you feel more on edge or nihilistic towards life. And that doesn’t help at all.

I’ll agree that trying new things or volunteering could give you more purpose in your life, but I think that’s just a small part of it. This could be a good time to take a step back and examine what YOU want in life and how the things that once made you happy aren’t doing the trick anymore. One of your first instincts may be to compare what you have been doing to that of your friends/family, but that’s not healthy and you certainly don’t have to live by the standards of anyone but yourself.

I may be reaching a bit here, but I think that in carefully examining everything that you perceive as being “wrong” in your life you may have lost sight of the things that are actually going well for you. I mean, I don’t know you but you come off as a pretty sharp guy. I get the impression that you’re someone that is smart enough to participate in an intelligent discussion while at the same time being chill enough to just hang out with. And that’s pretty great. And that’s just what I get out of this little post, so I’m sure you have other things going on for you.

Mix up your schedule if you think it will help. Maybe travel a bit too and pick up some new hobbies. But don’t lose sight of what you do well. You aren’t stuck like this forever and you certainly aren’t undeserving of happiness.

If you ever just want to chat about whatever, just let me know. I’ll make myself available.

Steph said 6 years, 9 months ago:

I can’t offer much in the way of advice, but I can tell you that you aren’t the only one that feels this way. When I read your post I had a “Wow, someone knows what this is like!” moment, and just knowing I’m not alone was helpful. So, thank you for sharing, Ides.