BioLove said 9 years, 6 months ago:

24 years young, with an old soul.
I’m passive, but aggressive.
I hate company, yet crave it.
I’m sane, yet very much off my rocker.

Slam poetry time is over. Short lived, I realize, and I apologize for that. I could make it more extensive but…my brain isn’t functioning well on the two hours of sleep I got last night.
I write well, but worry constantly that it could be taken as intimidating or, in a situation like this, too ‘clinical’. I worry that people feel like they can’t speak to me, or are too embarrassed because maybe I’ll find their problems trivial or something to be supremely unconcerned about, and yet they lose sleep over it. It bothers me. I don’t feel that way at all. Every person’s problem is something that affects them on a personal level, just as my demons do for me. What would make my inner demons any better than someone else’s?

I reside in the northern part of the United States, in a cold town with blueberry fields dotting the landscape in every which direction. I had a reasonable childhood, marred by my mother’s attempt at suicide when I was at the rebellious but still impressionable age of 17. She has since recovered and is doing well.
I suffer depression and Seasonal Affective Disorder, which is creeping in. I talk to others and help them out with their problems which in turn help me with mine. Sometimes simply speaking to people and resolving an issue can open up another door in my mind and make me see my own problems in a different light.
I am a writer, poet, gamer, photographer and outdoors-woman. I hunt and fish. First in-person impression tends to be coolly intimidating, if I go by what I’ve been told by many others. Yet I could sit and talk about religion and politics and help others through their issues while being completely at ease. I guess I just have one of those faces.

Deepest apologies if this seems lengthy. I simply started typing and didn’t really know when to stop. How much is too much? Or too little?

BioLove said 9 years, 6 months ago:

I’d be lying if I said your comparison of myself to you at my age wasn’t flattering. You’ve made very valid and inspirational comments. To be honest, I’ve been lacking in the self-preservation and -encouragement area as of late. Losing my job and fiance all in the same day was more of a blow than I had anticipated. Out of nowhere, to be quite honest. I’ve been laying rather low since, but things are looking up.

I completely agree with the statements you made regarding putting myself out there. Prior to the relatively recent blow to my esteem, I did almost anything that was asked of me, and things I never imagined I would do before. I’ve gone to Germany, Switzerland, Austria, I’ve worked graveyards, I’ve wandered cemeteries at 3am just to ‘feel’, I’ve gotten abrupt and angry with people who push off very important issues that affect us all, I’ve stopped suicides, I’ve been stopped from suicide, I’ve learned and continue to do so. It’s a never-ending process. And I’m grateful. If there was an end…I’m not sure what I would do with myself. The constant challenges I sometimes force myself to go through simply to learn is a focal point in my life. Were that to go away or end, I would feel nothing.

People watching is one of my favorite things to do. Regardless of where I’m at. I held a retail job for over four years and I was never bored. My only regret is that I hadn’t gotten into psychology in high school. It wouldn’t be an option for college, as being empathetic affects me rather more heavily than most. I’m still learning to separate others’ emotions and issues from my own. Then tend to merge into one heavy weight. But as I said, I’m working my way into being better.

Thank you, very much, for your words of inspiration and wisdom. From the rather mediocre day I’ve had, you’ve enlightened me and given me hope for tomorrow and the days to come. Rest assured, I will probably message you at some point. Thank you again. I’m extremely appreciative of you taking the time to write this out.