Deleted User said 9 years, 5 months ago:

I have been struggling with an internal conflict over the last few weeks. I am reaching the end of my rope and the end of any ideas that I could use on it.

I’ll try to break it to you as best I can without being too self-serving.

Before I get into it, I would just like you to know that I am not somebody who can stand unfairness or injustice. If you knew me, and I were to tell you that I hold myself to certain gentlemanly standards and I always strive to be the kindest, friendliest, most polite person I can possibly be, I like to think that you would agree.

Alright, without sugarcoating myself anymore, I’m going to get into my problem.

It may not surprise you to hear that I am 23 years old, male, straight, and a virgin.

Ever since I learned what sex was and how it work, I’ve gotten kind of an…unhealthy interest in it and anything related thereto. I started to experience a lot of angst over sex, and the longer I went without it, the more I started t realize that the regular stuff just wouldn’t do anything for me anymore.

Over time, I started to get into more and more of the more disturbing, darker stuff. I would really rather not tell you what kind of stuff, but…I started getting into stuff like bondage, slavery, and…well, forced stuff. However, it’s important to me that you know, I would never force anyone into something I wouldn’t do myself. Though, I honestly wouldn’t blame you if you’re still pretty apprehensive about me.

Anyway, one of the things that I do to soothe my urges is to read this comic on DeviantART called Demon Candy: Parallel. It’s about this boy who is tricked into giving his soul to the “Succubus Queen.” However, when he explains to her that he was tricked into giving her his soul, she offers him a compromise. If he spends one year with her and her other “subs” in her mansion in Purgatory, and he doesn’t like what he experiences, she will give him his soul back and he can go. He agrees to her terms, and between the beginning of the comic up until now, he ends up caught up in a lot of crazy, fetishy hijinks.

Now, this comic is very manga-esque. It has the look, feel and personality of a manga or an anime.

I have to admit, there are many situations in the comic that I find to be unbelievably hot, but there are also a lot of instances where the main character, Jonathan is mistreated. I have never liked to see characters mistreated. In fact, I have never liked seeing bad things happen to characters who didn’t deserve it.

Now, here’s where it gets weird(er).

I kind of identify more as a dom than a sub. However, Jonathan very clearly identifies as a sub. In my head, I know that because I am a dom, I wouldn’t really enjoy the situations that he ends up in, and he probably does. However, what always gets me is that he seems to react to these situations rather unfavorably. And there are even a couple instances where I just feel terribly sorry for him and think he is being mistreated. I also have this thing about me. I can empathize with a character really easily sometimes, to the point where I can kind of feel what they’re feeling. I ended up picturing myself in Jonathan’s situations and…well, I didn’t like them one bit. I felt used, betrayed, abandoned, scared, sad, angry and undervalued. I actually broke down crying one night due to picturing myself in Jonathan’s situations and picturing myself lashing out at my would-be users. I wish I could just enjoy the comic for what it is: a comedy story about fetishes and realizing one’s true nature. But I just can’t. I don’t want to stop reading the comic, but I also don’t feel like I want to read anymore.

If you’ve read this far, you’re probably thinking by now that I am completely insane. And to be completely honest, I don’t think I would disagree with you.

Let me apologize in advance if any of this disturbed or repulsed you. Don’t feel the need to respond right away. Just respond when you can.

Deleted User said 9 years, 5 months ago:

I wish it was that simple, but it really isn’t. Even when I don’t read the comic, I’m thinking about the comic. It’s just so…captivating that I can’t stand it. I know it doesn’t make any sense.

Deleted User said 9 years, 5 months ago:

One of the problems I think I’m having is that I look at some of the things that happen to Jonathan and, me, empathizing with him, I picture myself in those situations and just feel like I am not being treated well. The other characters in the story make out like he’s so important to them and they want him to be happy, but I picture myself in the situations he’s in and I don’t feel like the special person they say he is to them. I feel used, abandoned, betrayed, sad, lost, confused, angry, scared and alone. I don’t understand why, but it’s so hard for me to see what he’s being put through as anything more than abuse, even though there are some parts of the scenarios he’s put into that he more than likely enjoys. I don’t know. I wish I understood what was going on with my mind in relation to this.