northern reflection said 10 years, 1 month ago:

I am a gamer and have a number of gaming friends that I talk to and play with frequently. One gamer and I have become very close over the last couple of months and regularly email each other outside of the gaming community. Much to my surprise, I find myself really liking this guy but he lives so far away. Also, since we starting talking outside of the gaming community, he seems to avoid talking to me when we are with our online friends which is really confusing me. I never thought I would like someone so much that is ‘long distance’ and would like to know other people’s thoughts on this.

Nugget said 10 years, 1 month ago:

I was in a long distance relationship for 2 years. Started online in a random chat room! Now we live together and are building our lives together. It was the hardest but the most rewarding 2 years being apart. We got so close because all we had was chatting, email, phone calls and texting. We built everything on our personal and emotional relationship, and only had physical every now and then.
It’s not for everyone and some people find it too hard, but if you genuinely feel like you like this person enough to work at it… go for it. It will be a challenge but if this person is the ‘one’ then nothing will break it apart.

Ask him why he doesn’t talk to you as much when the other friends are around. How often are you talking outside the gaming community? Do you Skype? or phone chat? text? anything like that?

Jess said 10 years, 1 month ago:

Long distance relationships are not for everyone. I think they take a special kind of commitment that not everyone can handle. I think they’re absolutely possible, but they come with challenges on top of normal relationship challenges. I take my hat off to people who can live with one, but there’s no shame in not being able to.

We can all sit here and come up with explanations and ponder why he doesn’t talk to you during gaming, but the best way to find out is to ask him. It doesn’t have to be harsh or confrontational, just ask him nicely the next time you talk outside of your other friends. I wouldn’t jump straight to negative conclusions either. I’ve had both positive and negative reasons to not talk to a friend as much. There’s not as much of a gap between genders as we’re lead to believe, don’t fear a cryptic male, just ask him what’s up. I hope this helps. Good luck.

northern reflection said 10 years, 1 month ago:

Thank you for your positive and supportive responses Jess and Nugget! And I agree, I should just come out and ask him why he seems to avoid talking to me when we are with other online friends. What’s the worst that could happen, right? And at least I’d know. I guess that I just never really expected nor was prepared to connect that way with an online friend, and I wasn’t looking to. We email each other multiple times a day, usually started by him first thing in the morning, chat online and by phone. We don’t skype yet but I’ve been the one dragging my feet on that. Thank you again :)

silentlaze said 10 years, 1 month ago:

While it didn’t work for me, I feel that long distance relationships can work out.
I personally just got out a long distance relationship and it was hard. As Jess said, it takes a lot of work, besides the complications of a regular relationship. I didn’t mind though since at least for me, the love was there and it was strong.
While my relationship was working, there were a lot of hard moments. We wanted to be together physically. It was hard to not be there for simple things like hugs and kisses. It’s hard not being able to go to them and comfort them in hard times.
However, if you feel that there is any doubt, take a moment and step back to examine your situation. Is there any doubt from either person? Is there another close friend that either of you talk to that you feel you might have feelings for too? My ex-girlfriend loved two people, and while she chose me initially, we have ended, and now she is getting closer to the other guy. (She says she isn’t dating him, but she still lets him “claim her” and lets him call her babe)
Well that’s advice from someone who failed at a long distance relationship, but still believes they can work.

northern reflection said 10 years, 1 month ago:

Thanks silentlaze. If you don’t mind me asking, how long were you in the long distance relationship? I am glad to hear that you still believe in them though, I wasn’t really sure if or how they could work. For myself, I enjoy gaming and chatting with a number of online friends, but am not close to any of the others in the same way. I had never really thought about online dating and hadn’t expected this attraction to happen. Perhaps this is contributing to my confusion? It’s like Nugget said, we connected personally and emotionally.

silentlaze said 10 years, 1 month ago:

Up to last week, we were dating for about 8-7 months. But we weren’t official for certain reasons until about 4 months ago.
I never thought about online dating either when I first me the girl. The first time we met online, we talked for 4 hours straight. That’s a considerable amount for me at least since I’m quite the introverted person. But anyways it was confusing for me at first too. I had wondered how I was able to feel like that for someone so far away. But sometimes you have to take that risk. For good or worse. Just make sure if you do seriously consider an online relationship with this person, make sure that they feel the same way without any doubts. I had gone into mine without those doubts, but she tried denying hers. In the end it seems like those doubts ended it for us.
And Ik that feeling, at least for me it felt like we just clicked like two pieces of a puzzle. Like you could just share anything with this person and feel like you would never be judged for it. Like the other person could truly understand you.
On a random side note, are there any relatively free games online you would suggest? Trying to play new games to distract myself.

northern reflection said 10 years, 1 month ago:

Thank you for sharing silentlaze. I really appreciate it especially since the experience is still so painful for you. And I can really relate to how you felt with that girl in your relationship. I’m going to think about this very carefully to make sure that I haven’t any doubts and then talk to him to see if he has any. Maybe I’m feeling a little insecure because this is unfamiliar territory for me, but my heart wants the relationship with him.
For games, I mostly play on xbox live but started playing Game of Thrones Ascent recently on the PC and am enjoying it. It’s a strategic game that has many great alliances and chat functions. And it is totally free – you can either join through facebook or on it’s own at the link below:

http://gota.disruptorbeam.com/users/login

What kind of games do you like? Another pc site with lots of free games is kongregate
http://www.kongregate.com/ I hope this helps!

silentlaze said 10 years, 1 month ago:

From what I can tell, it seems like at least for you, you felt like me. Unless there are somethings you still aren’t mentioning, I think you will be fine for your part. You kinda remind me of me and how I felt when it was all happening to me. Just remember that it takes two to tango. You might be ready to dance, but is he?
I have an xbox, but I haven’t played on live for a long time. I’ll also have to take a look at some of those pc games you mentioned. I like shooting games, adventure games like skyrim, and mass effect. I like strategy games like fire emblem and I was playing more competitively on pokemon until the breakup.
Thank you for the suggestions and if you have any other questions just ask. I wish you luck with your situation, and hope it ends better than mine.

A. Florida said 10 years, 1 month ago:

I met my wife randomly on AOL 16 years ago. We were on opposite sides of the country. I cautiously flew to meet her and got to know her with several meet ups over a year, moved closer together and we have now been married for 13 years. Anything is possible and I believe that getting to know each other by personality was a way to start out that few people ever experience.

Best of luck to you.

northern reflection said 10 years, 1 month ago:

Thank you A. Florida. I am really thrilled about all the experiences that I am hearing about here. I wasn’t really sure what to think about it – how could I be so attracted to someone that I hadn’t met in real life. But now I see that this does happen with other people, and sometimes it does work out. That is so good to know! I really appreciate all the responses, so helpful! I haven’t asked him about doubts, or why he doesn’t talk to me with the others around yet, but one of our online friends mentioned that he says a lot of nice things about me when I’m not in the group, and thinks that he is a little shy :) . I will talk to him though.

yoojeen said 10 years, 1 month ago:

for me, it’s not that complicated. it’s not a bad idea. some people don’t have the chance to stay together because of some matters/issues. it’s okay as long as both of you are loyal to each other and you haven’t fall out ouf love with your partner.
nothing is impossible. in the end, it’s your choice if you want to commit in that kind of relationship. :) ))

Deleted User said 10 years, 1 month ago:

You should get to know the guy first. I’m from Cali and I dated a guy in Chicago for eight months two years ago. He kept having crushes on other girls and not being able to see him made me sad at times. It’s tough. I wouldn’t recommend it.

Deleted User said 10 years, 1 month ago:

i am currently in a long distance relationship and for me it feels BITTER-SWEET. bitter for the fact that you are thousands of miles away from each other and even when you cam, its as though you’re effin so close yet soooo so far. and its sweet because you dont stop missing each other. the feeling of wanting to be next to him just intensifies that sometimes it makes me burst into tears. not because of too much sadness but rather, its when i feel so overwhelmed with love. its when i get to feel how much i need to be with him.

many of us are skeptical about long distance relationships. but for me, love is love wherever you are and no matter how far apart you may be. it cannot be broken by anything or anyone but only yourselves. so i believe it really depends on the couple on how to make things work. it would however, require extra effort and weight of what a normal relationship would require – trust, openness, constant communication and time are very essential. Misunderstandings – you should talk and settle each of them (how petty they may be), before they snowball into something a lot more serious. you should try to be more open-minded just to keep disagreements from arising..

as for me, i am just thankful that i found my this adorable and amazing person. we may not have that perfect and normal relationship but i believe and i just know, my heart is in the right place.

Rose said 10 years, 1 month ago:

Long distance relations ships depends upon the intensity of love you share and on the understanding you have for most people it doesnt work out but there are cases who have long distance relations ship and are very happy and the one’s who had long distance relationship in past and well are now married happy together its just on your attitude and how well you handle things what is the importance of ur relationship in ur eyes