pringles said 5 years, 9 months ago:

This post is going to be long because my thoughts are everywhere and I am very confused with myself/what i’m doing and what i did.

There’s this thing about me that I’ve only come to realise recently, that is, I sub-consciously want(??) to make guys fall for me. I don’t know. I can’t tell if i’m doing it on purpose or not, because while I don’t explicitly do or say anything to suggest that I’m interested in them, it always seems like I am when I think about it in hindsight. Like , the things I say to them seem appropriate in the moment because I assume it’s a mutual friend zone but eventually when they say something to me that indicates they MAY be interested in me it’s like a little ‘yay!/achievement unlocked!’ in my mind. I feel a lot differently when I find out that they actually are interested and plan to take things further though.

It’s almost like I’m playing a game that i don’t know about. “Accidentally” making a guy fall for me then being totally scared and guilty for doing so because I have no feelings for them that way.

I don’t intend to get into any relationship, and I’ve always made that clear to my guy friends. But somehow my actions always make them feel otherwise?? I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I always make my bro-zone efforts pretty obvious but … I guess coupled with the gestures and things I say, it reflects differently?

The big issue with this is, it’s my best (guy) friends who fall hard and want to take things further. I’ve had two best guy friends for 2+ years and they’re friends with each other too. The first time it happened, I lost my best friend and we aren’t really on great terms now because I rejected him. This time it’s the remaining best guy friend I have and I’m really petrified because I know when he falls for a girl, he falls hard and gets really affected emotionally by her actions towards him.

I can’t say I didn’t see it coming because he had invited me to be his +1 for some of his events and asked me out on the weekends when he was free. But I always shook away the thought because he knows clearly I’m not looking for anything and that I treat him like a bro (or at least i thought so).

Now I feel freaking guilty for making them like me and just… HELPPPPPPPP, I DONT KNOW WHAT I’M DOING OR WHY I DO IT I JUST DONT WANT IT TO HAPPEN AGAIN. What should I do about this friend now?

To the guys: What should I avoid saying or doing that would make you think a girl(or a best girl friend) is interested in you?

CLICK said 5 years, 9 months ago:

Getting others to like you may be your way of boosting your self-confidence. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re doing it on purpose. Have you noticed yourself saying things that fall out of line at certain times? Maybe early in the morning, late at night, or if you’re in an unusual mood? Try to keep track of when you say these things and if there’s a pattern, take note of it.

Everyone has a different way of ‘flirting’ and your normal way of getting along with your friends may be their normal way of flirting. Aside from this, take into consideration your feelings for your best friend. You may like him but may be blocking those feelings for him. If you are sure of how you feel towards him, don’t encourage his attraction to you. Be open with him and explain the situation you’re going through. He is your best friend for a reason, and losing you might terrify him as much as it does to you.

rinseandrep said 5 years, 9 months ago:

Reminds me of this:

http://captainawkward.com/2015/02/05/657-asshole-to-english-translator-you-just-like-leading-guys-on-i-am-a-creepy-asshole-who-doesnt-think-you-are-allowed-to-say-no/

So maybe you are just a woman and they are just looking for a woman, and what you say or do won’t matter, ever, because you are a single woman who talks to them and that’s the only.point in their checklist. I’ll go the other way and say that maybe it’s not your fault, even if you feel flattered after they girlfriend-zone you. Check the article and the comments for insight.