Deleted User said 9 years, 11 months ago:

My parents have been imposing a 9:30 curfew for me to come home at which means i need to leave my boyfriends around 8. It’s been putting a strain on our relationship and as a 21 year old girl I should be allowed out later. I have a date tomorrow with my boyfriend and I want to stay out later do I go against their wishes and tell them I’ll be home around 10:30/11 (I personally don’t think that’s unreasonable seeing as my boyfriend is allowed to stay out into the early hours of the morning) or should i respect their wishes and remain miserable? What should I do?

Pour un meilleur regard said 9 years, 11 months ago:

I know it sucks and your 21 but i kind of agree in its their house it’s there rules as long as you live at home with your parents there’s certain rules that unfortunately you may not agree but have to fallow
If I was in your situation which I was try to speak to your parent , “hey I’m going on a date can I say a bit longer today you can call me if you need anything or check on me I will pick up . Let them know what is it that you’re going to be doing that requires you to stay longer say you’re going to dinner and a movie, maybe there just worried of what you could be doing with your boyfriend at that time of night.
Maybe that’s not what you want to hear but it’s true
Communicate with your parents a bit more get there trust and you’ll see that curfew will change
Good luck 

Humanist Hope said 9 years, 11 months ago:

Since you are legally an adult, you need to start asserting yourself. It is part of growing up that we learn to assert ourselves to former peers and authority figures.

Short of your parents threatening to throw you out, do not worry about getting locked out if you’re out after-hours. You are a grown woman and they legally cannot tell you that you cannot do something.

You have the option of rebelling, but it would be in the best interest of everyone involved if you brought your boyfriend home for a sit-down and explained to your parents in plain words that you are grown, you are going to stat staying out later so you can spend more time with your boyfriend, if they lock up, tell them that you will have a safe place to stay overnight and tell them about what time the following day that they can expect you home.

Sooner or later, you are going to have to step out from under their authority, living under their roof means abiding by their rules, but that has its limits now that you are an adult. They cannot dictate a curfew for you beyond telling you what time the doors get locked. They cannot “ground” you, and they cannot legally put their hands on anything you own, because as an adult you now have a legal expectation of privacy.

Be responsible and respectful when you talk to them. Show them you have your bases covered so they don’t have to worry about you. Display your maturity and security, and they will likely be more at ease in relenting their attempts at keeping you under their thumb.

Of Fans And Flames said 9 years, 11 months ago:

I believe that the sit-down talk with Jonathan would be a great idea. I do believe that this curfew is rather restrictive for a 21-year-old, but then again, I don’t know the context. However, this should be from the perspective of, “These rules are negatively affecting my life. Is there any agreement we can come to?” rather than, “I’m an adult and can do whatever I want.” I believe that the latter is a rather immature stance.

The bottom line is their house, their rules. It’s their call. Regardless of your age, you are currently reliant upon them for shelter. You’re still not an independent adult. Basically, if you want adult privileges, you must take on adult responsibilities. You can discuss and try to compromise. If their rules are truly so restrictive that they are making you miserable, it’s time to dedicate your efforts to finding another place to live.

Now, if you are paying them rent and live there as a tenant, then no, you should not have to abide by these rules.

rinseandrep said 9 years, 11 months ago:

Are you allowed to spend the night out?

Deleted User said 9 years, 11 months ago:

I’m not allowed to spend the night out. I’m sure if it was a “special occaision” I would be allowed to but its not. my boyfriend is also significantly younger than me (which my parents don’t know) and I’m happy with him so I don’t expect judgement. not only is he terrified of meeting them but considering how old he is, and the distance he doesn’t want to come see me and meet my parents just yet. If only either of us had access to a car… We’re Canadian so I have my g2 I can probably drive to him if I’m allowed to have the car I only live 20 km away from him so it’s not too bad I don’t know if that’s considered long distance or not.. but anyways yeah

Humanist Hope said 9 years, 11 months ago:

How “significantly” younger are we talking?

letssitinthegardenandtalk said 9 years, 11 months ago:

Given those options, misery seems the best. ;) OK here’s the deal, if you pay rent and this curfew was not specified it seems unreasonable. If you are not paying rent, and getting all the benefits of a home you have voluntarily prolonged your dependency and you must follow the rules. None of us get to have it both ways.

Deleted User said 9 years, 11 months ago:

5 years… which i realize is going to be hard but I’m totally okay with it and so is he. Plus its completely legal in Canada so I don’t want to hear any “but that’s too young” crap. we just work together really well. and no I’m not paying rent so I guess I’m just going to have to suck it up and maybe try and reach a compromise.

becausemeagan said 9 years, 11 months ago:

I have the same issue!
My parents are like that too. Maybe not that extreme. But if I’m driving I have to be home at 11. But now that we are looking for our own place to live I do appreciate that they care. Have they met your boyfriend? Do they like or dislike him? And maybe explain to them that they need to understand that you are 21 and that you appreciate what they are doing for you but they need to trust you and him together. It may make them angry to brake rules so maybe keeping the topic open with them will give them respect for you.

StephenDMH said 9 years, 11 months ago:

The way I see it you need to assert yourself! You are an adult and there comes a point where you need to tell them how you feel and of course, tell them how this curfew is affecting your relationship with your boyfriend. It may be their roof, but the way I see it the only household rules you should have to follow should be stuff like related to courtesy and chores…..like helping around the house and not making a lot of noise at night when your parents are in bed and whatnot. Your curfew and how late you stay out are none of your parents’ business. They are treating you like a little kid and to be honest, reading this post made me really kinda mad at your parents.

I still live with parents…my dad sometimes and other times my mom, who lives with my grandparents….and I just recently started standing up to my mom/grandparents (I haven’t needed to do that with dad). I’m not disrespectful, I just make my own decisions and they realize that they can’t control me. You have your own life and even if they are your parents you have every right to make your own rules as long as you are responsible and smart about it. Your parents just need to get used to the idea that you are not a kid anymore and their demands and rules are unreasonable.