Johan said 10 years, 3 months ago:

Hello Ash,

I’ve been in the same thoughts as you and I had to go through some deep lessons with this to understand it better. I hope my input can help somehow.

I don’t think it is good to get too caught up in the concept of “the one” even though I am sure there are people out there (more than one!) that will go really well together with you. It is also not something two people can just “agree” on either, it is naturally happening when it is. Marriage and babies doesn’t have to do anything with “the one” either. Especially not when you are 16 years old. I am 23 now and neither my girlfriend or I thinks about that yet.

To answer your first question: For me it is mainly an intuitive thing. It certainly starts out as that. Then as you go along and grow together any logical things will be more apparent and you can chose whether logical things matter. Such as common interests, similar ages etc. In the end it does not matter. You and the person could have completely different interests and you could still be in love and let the other enjoy his/her interests. Maybe you even find new perspectives from it.

In the end it just feels right and it resonates logically too if that is important and if it is meant to be it will be. Even “the one” you are with might not be that forever. There are MANY “the ones” out there! I went through 2 relationships where I thought I met the one but I also fooled myself a bit in my efforts to find that person. It doesn’t end well if you are not honest with yourself.

Just relax and love yourself and it will come to you naturally. If you click with someone naturally you can always go on dating. Today I am with a girl that resonates with me super well and I could not have been where I am if not the past experiences helped me to learn and become more aware of myself. We are both young, enjoy your ride. You will find true love as long as you truly love yourself

I hope that helps in any way.

Take care,
Johan

Gomi500 said 10 years, 3 months ago:

Hello Ash. Damn good question. Ive been a relationship for three years but I honestly dont feel like she is the one. I guess maybe its the one that you treat truly diffrent from the others in your life.

Deleted User said 10 years, 3 months ago:

i dont think your ever really know 100% whether she/he is the one, i think only like after a big big fight/seperation and what happens then decides if she/he is the one lol
i also personally believe for guys you cant find the one until like your 25 or something, as your dick precedes your brain no matter what you say!!!!!!!!

Minky said 10 years, 3 months ago:

I don’t really believe in the concept of “the one”.
I think there are probably numerous people in the world you could have a good relationship with, but you will not meet them all obviously. But when you are in a relationship with someone and you feel at ease with them, you can talk about everything, you can have fun together , you help each other grow, you have the same ideas about what’s important in life, you sort of have the same future plans or general outline, when there’s mutual trust and respect … Then i think you can be assured you’ve found a great companion. (:

The Author said 10 years, 3 months ago:

Gotta love that definition, Poison Ivy. If I could give you a cookie for that, I would.

I’m still young, so it’s probably too soon to be thinking of it yet, but in my head, I think of someone who I trust completely and who feels warm to hold, even when they’re cold.

Ink Dancer said 10 years, 2 months ago:

Soul mates depress me. I don’t want half a soul. If I did have a soulmate, they probably died being born halfway across the world. I don’t believe in a set fate. I believe you meet someone, and you fall in love, and you grow together in the way so that you’re happy partners. My theory is a bit scary, because it means you’re in control, but I like my chances of actually finding a ‘soul mate’. Did you know the idea of soul mates was that we had 8 limbs, 2 heads, and one soul, but the gods thought we were too powerful, and split us in half? It sure would explain why people get so lonely.

Vivid Melody said 10 years, 2 months ago:

Well I would hope the feeling would be mutual if the couple really was meant to be together.

Just because you’re young doesn’t mean you don’t care about love. You’re hardly a child. Everyone wants love in some fashion – even if it’s not the romantic kind. It’s a very real human need so it makes sense that it would be on your mind and also because you haven’t experienced a romantic relationship yet I assume? You probably just want to be prepared.

I think you learn a lot through dating about what you want and what you don’t want. Who is compatible with you and who is not. I think a person that is right for you will be compatible with you and it will be someone who will bring out the best in you as you do in them. It certainly doesn’t hurt to share the same values either. You’ll be each other’s best friend (ideally).

Anyways, yes – I do believe it’s sort of an unspoken thing or what some people refer to as “chemistry” initially. So it is both intuitive and logical though some people are more naturally intuitive and/or logical than others…so everyone is going to view these things and terms differently.

What matters is that you are both certain and committed. I think if someone is unsure if the person they are with is “the one” they need to review their doubts and examine why they have them so they don’t wind up investing in a person who they aren’t really good with. It’s not fair to you or the other person to do that. Yes, you can learn a lot through experiences but that doesn’t mean you can’t use wisdom.