ABitLost said 8 years, 6 months ago:

Forgive this long post, honestly I need to rant and am seeking some sort of insight. In short recently I’ve been having a rather rough time with life. I finally decided to seek help on here, some unbiased insight would be great honestly. I do have access to counseling through the school I attend however I find that speaking outloud only jumbles my thoughts since sometimes my rant is stopped for a question to be asked. So I’m turning to you all for some insight. First off a little backstory- Im currently 18 attending a special highschool for students who cant function in a traditional school setting. I’ll be turning 18 soon and am desperately struggling to graduate highschool to please my mother, as well as get a job to stop her hasseling me. Im also currently learning to drive as well as dealing with family stress. My mother is hasseling me over every little thing. Doing housework, dealing with my 14 year old sister whom she babies, getting a job, moving out, post-secondary education, and of course getting a boyfriend. Now, my relationship with my parents isnt the best in my opinion. I get along with them and have a good time but i dont trust them. Which is why I cant say that I am currently seeing someone, for nearly 4 in a half years actually. I cant tell them because said person is in a different country. He’s the same age as me and I’ve known him for maybe 7 years? And my parents know him as well through speaking online and what not. If I even try to bring him up they tease me and tell me long distance relationships dont work and that hes seeing people on the side, that i need to grow up and find a physical person. Well, my mother does the teasing, my dad is more understanding. Now my boyfriend and I have already made plans to visit one another. We have the ability to, just currently getting stuff sorted out. Passports, extra money and what not. The plan is to visit one another at the end of the year. Whether him coming here or my friend and I traveling to the States to see him.
And already my thoughts are getting a bit jumbled so forgive me for not making much sense. For the last while I’ve been under a great deal of stress trying to get things sorted, and being a really laid back person with social anxiety I tend to bottle up my emotions and sit submissively and try to do what other people want, disregarding my own desires. I’ve been struggling to speak my mind, to anyone, even my boyfriend. And he is completely understanding, an amazingly sweet person. He never pushes me to talk but tries his very best to put himself in my shoes (He tells me this whenever things start going sour.) After a while all the stress builds up and I end up snapping and getting a bit stressed out playing silly games with him on the computer or something. I get upset and panicky and try to fix things by telling him I want to go have a bath. And everything things go sour like this it always ends with me attempting to fix the situation by trying to get some alone time to calm down, but he gets upset as well. Everytime he changes the topic to him and how he is stressed with his homework or soemthing. I usually feel cornered and obligated to stay so he can rant and I can offer any bit of reassurance. I feel like he disregards me like this and uses me as sort of a reassurance blanket and after he finishes ranting he keeps pushing for more reassurance and makes me feel guilty over really anything. Most often me wanting to go have a bath instead of sitting in a call and right away telling him whats wrong without time to think, leading me to snap and another fight starting. As sweet as he is I think he is a bit possessive, hes been in abusive relationships before that have all ended with him being hurt and cheated on so I try to be understanding with him when it comes to this sort of stuff. But he gets upset when I talk with guys or want to hang out with friends. Or even get a job. He doesnt want me to get a job since hes scared I’ll get raped or my manager will try to get me to do somesort of sexual favor to keep my job. He always worrys about something outlandish like that. To the point he gets upset if I want to wear a dress outside or shorts. And actively tells me hes worried about me going outside alone. I think this is udnerstandable and try to be as considerate of his feelings as possible. REassuring him and spending as much of my time as possible with him so he’s happy. Sometimes to the point i dont get homework done. But he always tried to make it up to me and tells me that he wants me to live my life the way I want and have alonetime with friends, despite all him constantly telling me about all his jealousy and worries. Usually he really is great and lets me do whatever without any hassle but.. sometimes things jsut get too stressful for me and I end up intears, really wanting time alone but then like i said he rants and I feel obligated to stay untill hes happy. Really.. I dont know what I am asking or what im looking for. Advice, insight on how you all see this? Some help, any anonymous help is appreciated.

Deleted User said 8 years, 6 months ago:

talk to him, tell him what YOU want instead of do what he wants you to do. I mean don’t ever let him tell you what to do and what not to. try to explain to him. if he cant get it into his head -i’m sorry, if he interferes so much into your life that your personal life gets that affected, consider leaving him, not fair how he sucks the life out of you.

btw, ‘sweetness’ is not a good enough excuse for him to treat you the way he did. tell him to try harder. yeah, I get that he’s been in an abusive relationship to be the way he is but being ‘understanding’ is not about letting him step over you. he has to realize what he’s doing and accept that he has to change his attitude.

elizabethfke12 said 8 years, 6 months ago:

Maybe the distance is creating some issues.. Hopefully wen u meet him at year’s end u can explain in person.. Till then please try to b firm abt basic stuff.. Like ur wardrobe choices or ur career choices.. Tell him that u respect him but u do want to try out a job or whatever cos of ur reasons..like independence etc. and he needs to settle abt ‘letting u live ur life ‘ and being possessive. I’m sure it’ll work out fine. Good luck