EthanHunter said 5 years, 7 months ago:

Hey ladies, before you come charging at me with torches and axes, I COME IN PEACE!

I am here with a question, to get to it let me explain what it is about. There has been a recent buzz for the release of the Fifty Shades movie. I’ve actually attempted to read the book a long time ago, and I couldn’t bring myself to get through the horrible writing, so I didn’t. I’ve been told by friends what it was about, and it has been described as horrible.

I never did mind much for people liking it, until a while back I was on facebook and saw memes of women glorifying Christian Grey, saying things like, he doesn’t ignore them for his X Box, he goes shopping with them etc. I got very angry on seeing this, because I am sure nobody wants a relationship like that. A relationship with someone who is that possessive and dominating. Yes, I understand we want partners who would dedicate time to us, but in the context of the topic, it seems as if they are glorifying someone like him.

My question thus is, what are your views on the matter? Do you really want someone like him in your life? I get it’s erotica, like as guys, at least speaking for myself, I have things I am into, but that being said, it stays in the imagination and I don’t think I will ever do those things or have those things done to me lol, so I get if you are into it in that way, but is it really something you see yourself engaging in, putting up with?

Which brings me to another part of my question, do guys like say myself have any chance in terms of getting a girl interested? I am a bit shy. I can be brave and throw myself out on a ledge for a girl, but it sort of takes some time. I guess what brings this question up is a discussion I had with some guys, who believe nice guys always finish last. As they said, “Funny, girls don’t like jerks, but they are in love with Fifty Shades and want that in a guy.”

So I guess, that’s all I really want to know. Do nice guys always finish last? With the rise of this movie, is it likely the younger generation of females could be shaped by this and ultimately future good, shy, quiet guys might finish last always?

I know this doesn’t apply to all ladies too. For instance, my sister and some friends I know are totally against it, but yeah just wanted to get your views on the matter.

Rover said 5 years, 7 months ago:

Speaking from the PoV of a 15 y/o girl (have to admit, not that into mainstream 15y/o girl things, I’m a metal head and far from girly)
I can say I’m honestly disgusted by that crap franchise, and I don’t think nice guys always finish last, not that I’ve got much experience with guys, been single all my life, I know I roll my eyes whenever some jackass hits on me (though usually to end it with an insult, not gonna lie I wouldn’t be single if it was all my choice) but anyway, nice guys are the ones I befriend and most of them I’ve thought about in ‘that’ way. (The Friendzone is a myth if you ask me) so no, nice guys don’t finish last, at least not with decent girls (yes I’m calling myself decent, deal with it:p)

Signing of
-Rover

Chris said 5 years, 7 months ago:

Believe it or not there is a whole society into stuff similar to that. The bdsm society. There are girls who like dominant guys and guys who like submissive girls and vice versa. What’s described in the book however has nothing to do with bdsm. He forces himself on her, a dominant Gentleman never would. If the guy was not billionaire the movie instead of erotica could have very well been an episode of criminal minds.

EthanHunter said 5 years, 7 months ago:

Rover, thanks for your input. I guess there is hope after all for the female society. Nothing is wrong with being single either, and honestly, I find someone like you attractive haha. Because you seem to be a bit of a difficult catch. Like, I will have to bring my A Game haha.

I totally agree on the friendzone. Initially, I think it became a major hit. It became a thing, but reality is, EVERYONE is responsible for the Friend zone. What separates it from a relationship is where the nice guy/girl CHOOSES to finish last lol. Sometimes we accept the friendship over relationship, but I think we need to be clear too. That being said, good friends can morph into relationships. If there is such a thing where one doesn’t feel the same way, well, that’s fine too.

Chris yeah, we all have our own version of fetishes, but I just, well from my perspective, I don’t see myself ever doing it in real life lol. And well said about Criminal Minds lol.

lilaine said 5 years, 7 months ago:

I agree that Christian Grey was a domineering asshat, and not the best Dominant, as Chris mentioned.

Kink is a funny thing, so.. To each their own.

But for me, it’s one thing for a guy to say, “Hey, I really like that dress you wore that one time, could you wear it again?” It’s entirely another for him to lay your clothes out without input. Wouldn’t sit well with me 95% of the time. And I’m someone who enjoys Dominant men.

Chris said 5 years, 7 months ago:

@lilaine A sub of mine actually loved the idea. It’s purely up to the sub and what get’s them off. Human mind is so fascinating!

lilaine said 5 years, 7 months ago:

@Chris that’s interesting! Fascinating indeed, the twists and turns the human mind takes in the development of our sexual natures.

Valeska said 5 years, 7 months ago:

MAN SIGHTING!!! GET OUT OF HERE!

I agree with some of the points Ethan raised. I think women who honour someone like Grey is a disgrace! It’s like feminism never happened.

I ended up watching the movie and some things totally stuck me. To begin with, this movie is more directed to a female audience, yet we saw the girl nude more than the guy. There is such a double standard in Hollywood.

I think though, as Chris and Lilaine pointed out, the human mind is so strange. We all have weird desires, I do too haha, but few are able to keep them separated you know? Like I am never going to let a man do some things to me lol… those are private thoughts haha.

I also hate when people claim that nice guys always finish last! I totally disagree! Nice guys are always found last! The nice ones are never going to be the easy ones :)

sichan said 5 years, 7 months ago:

{Disclaimer: Entirely my opinion.}

Having read all 3 books and seen the movie, I conclude that 50 Shade of Grey is nothing more than an adult fairytale. I’m not getting into the kink part of it.
Haven’t we all adored the knight in shining armour saving the princess or the prince and princess living happily ever after? Haven’t we all wanted a life like that? It’s pretty similar. Since most girls view themselves as plain and simple(like Anastasia Steele), being noticed by someone like (OMG!) Christian Grey is like a dream come true. So yes, most girls fantasize what is portrayed in the book. But, that does not necessarily mean we WANT it.

Marissa said 5 years, 7 months ago:

why do people like roller coasters ? because of the thrill and the fact that you momentarily give up control. that’s exactly what it’s like being submissive. the character “christian grey” is domineering but he’s not an “asshat”. he dominates a woman who consents. that’s the difference. men who are controlling to women who don’t agree ARE asshats. but men who seek a power exchange relationship are not, so long as they don’t cross over the limits of the relationship. This creates a safe but thrilling “rollercoaster” type of effect that some people (like me) enjoy.

it’s all about being safe about it, so that you voluntarily give up control, but the dominant must stop when you signal that your limits are being crossed.

please don’t judge. if it’s not right for you , I respect that. but it’s just like a straight person saying “what’s up with these GAY people, how could they like that ?”. It’s not about your personal preference, it’s about what makes other people happy, provided nobody gets hurt.

if you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask me. i’m learning myself but i’ve discovered a LOT about myself the last couple years and went from thinking something was wrong with me to becoming comfortable with who i am.