Rosie512 said 9 years, 1 month ago:

This is going to be kind of long but I will keep it as short as I can. Two years ago I met a guy who I ended up becoming really good friends with, we went on a date but it didn’t work out because of distance issues. We agreed that maybe in the future things will work out, so we’ve stayed in touch and I feel like over the past 6 months we have grown very close. We drive hours to see each other and when we meet up after a long time its like we had never been apart. We Skype for 2-3 hours at a time. Two weeks ago he came to visit me (6 hour drive) and we had the best time even though we only got to spend about 4 hours together. A few days later we were Skyping and he was telling me how much he liked the pictures we had taken together. He ended up changing his Facebook profile picture to one of the pictures we had taken, it doesn’t seem like much but it meant a lot to me because he is one of those people that NEVER changes their picture. So everything was fine and dandy until this last Monday night. He texted me during a mental breakdown, saying how he is a terrible person, nobody likes him, etc; but he wouldn’t tell me what happened that made him think all of this. I told him how amazing he his, how kind, and smart he is, etc. But he just doesn’t believe anything I tell him. I asked if I could call him and he said no. I told him everything will be alright even if it doesn’t feel like it. All he said was “no it won’t” I’ve texted him four times since then asking if he was alright and if he needed to talk that I was here. I only got one reply from all my messages saying “Im fine.” I know he is in a really deep depression right now and depression fucks people up, but it hurts knowing he is hurting and he won’t believe what Im telling him. Then this morning he changed his profile picture to one of him and his guy friend from a year ago. I know it seems childish to be so upset over a stupid profile picture, but like I said, he NEVER changes it; along with the profile picture he posted a status quoting Machiavelli “It is much safer to be feared than loved because.. Love is preserved by the link of obligation which, owing to the baseness of men, is broken at every opportunity for their advantage; but fear preserves you by a dread of punishment which never fails.” I can’t help but think that all of these Facebook changes are because of something I did or said. Is he scared of receiving love? I know reading into Facebook posts too much is stupid, but it’s the 21st century and it seems to me that, unfortunately, that is how people get their feelings across to others nowadays. Did I say or do anything wrong? I can tell that he doesn’t want to talk to me, should I let him be? I don’t want him thinking that I don’t care about him anymore or that I’ve given up on him. SO Sorry this was such a long post, any advice is appreciated!

Jess said 9 years, 1 month ago:

Don’t assume anything, it just makes you more stressed out and worked up over something that may not be true. Let him know that you care for him and that if he needs you then you will be there for him. It could be a lot of things but maybe he just needs a bit of space to figure things out. I think the best thing would be to let him approach you with the subject rather than hassling him to tell you but make sure he knows that you are there for him for when he needs you and that you always will be. You could even offer to drive and see him next time you are free. Hope this helps a bit.

mullofkintyre said 8 years, 12 months ago:

It sounds to me that whatever is going on in his life he’s afraid of losing the people he cares about. Maybe he’s afraid of losing you. He might think that cutting off ties all together will save that hard conversation with you that he might be trying to avoid. I wouldn’t take it personally because there is obviously something in his personal life that is hindering him from being happy. All you can do at the moment is tell him that you’re still there for him when he wants to talk about things, and if he knows that then let him come back to you when he’s ready.