today, i decided to go out for a quick run. trying to lose a few pounds. whatever. about halfway through, a car with two middle aged looking men in it pull up next to the sidewalk i’m on, start slowing down, and whistle at me and start saying very explicit things to me, then pull into the nearest parking lot, as close to the sidewalkt hey can, and watch me.
1) i’m 15.
2) i’m not a fucking object. that was incredibly disrespectful and degrading.
3) most importantly, at this point, i’m having an extreme panic attack in the middle of the day in summer in southern texas because that was a trigger and i’m having flashbacks and i can’t breathe. so i run full speed into the nearest store, buy some water, and call my mom and tell her to pick me up.
i feel like such a failure. this should be a simple task. as rude and obnoxious those guys were being, i should still be able to complete simple tasks like going around a few blocks. i’m emberassed. they probably weren’t even going to do anything. i know a lot of girls that would just take that as a compliment, go along with it. but having been sexually assulted before, i can’t do normal things without being triggered.
if you’ve been in a similar situation, how did you deal with it? do you still go out and do what you need to do? how do you make yourself feel safe?