I once found this quote online :
“Yes. I’m a bit quiet and I don’t share a lot of what’s going on in my mind. But it’s not that I’m afraid to. It’s just that I don’t often feel the need to. I don’t share everything that crosses my mind because I know better than to believe everything that crosses my mind. I need to take my time. I need time to observe, to assess, to understand, and yes even to correct my thoughts before I let them flow out into the world. I need time because I understand and respect the power of words. So no, I don’t speak often and I don’t speak loudly. But at least you know that when I do speak, it’s going to be something I feel I really understand, something that excites me, that I believe matters, and that sounds true to my soul – because to me, that’s what speaking is actually for.”
Isn’t it beautiful? You’re just more aware to certain things than others. I know it comes off as a problem to you sometimes but you don’t need to bother about it that much. I sort of have similar issues, I’m consciously judging myself sometimes as I speak, thinking what to say next to make my point sound, remembering a good way to convey my thoughts that I read online and then using it in the current conversation, sometimes commending myself for a good exchange of words. There are other issues as well, I’m constantly judging myself and others even when I don’t want to, I read between the lines and I’m a pessimist, combine both of those and you get a person who mostly thinks that the others are crafting their words and harbouring evil intentions though I am aware it’s not true most of the times.
But even so, there’s no need for me to change. Everyone is different! Even if you do have issues conveying yourself at times, remember the times when your over analysing actually helped you out. Even if it didn’t help you out, it is still a part of you, a part of you that becomes a bother only if you feel that it is being so. I think that you should be who you are, accept that you sometimes find it difficult to convey your ideas, that’s no big deal if you ask me, I feel that a lot of times, words are imperfect anyways, language isn’t the best means of communication. People tend to read between the lines, they have personal bias and habits and tend to mold your words based on what they have in mind, communication is already imperfect. Don’t worry about the minor details, I think you are a really thoughtful and smart person.
This is no disorder, you are just a bit different and I personally appreciate different individuals, life’s no fun if everyone is the same.
I know this was a bit philosophical and it might not actually help you if you read it with a wrong mood or under improper circumstances, but still I believe that you are putting too much efforts in changing a part of you that you don’t need to.
You’re cool, that almost like a superpower! XD