Just Keep Going said 10 years, 11 months ago:
My parents are divorced since I was nine years old. It was a friendly divorce. My dad still sees us as much as he can. When I was eleven my dad got a new girlfriend. She was an English teacher and she was a really good woman. She had a daughter that was about my sister’s age, 6 years old, and a son that was a little older than me.
My mom was working on Africa when he let us meet her. She was sweet and did everything she could to make us feel welcome. My sister immediately became friends with Esther, her daughter, and I know she didn’t understand what was going on between dad and that woman. But I knew better.
I hated her, hated to see them whispering in each other’s ears in English to make sure we didn’t understand what they were saying. (P.S: we’re brazilian) I hated when they went to her bedroom and closed the door and left me on my own, wondering what they were doing and desperately wanting mom to come back from Africa because I wanted to run into her arms and cry. I never felt so lonely in my life.
I hated when my dad took us out just like he always did and she went too. I hated having to see them holding hands and whispering at the theater. I hated that he made us promise that we wouldn’t tell mom about his girlfriend. I just hated everything. But they broke up eventually and I couldn’t be more grateful for that.
I never truly forgave him for doing eveything wrong, for hurting me so much. And I’m just so scared that he’s going to find a new girlfriend, get married, have more kids and just forget about me and my sister. I mean, why would he bother with us if he had a new and functional family? It would crush us if he forgot about us. I try to shield my little sister from everything but I almost cry every time I think about having to tell her why dad’s not going to visit us anymore. I know he loves us and he’s trying his best to be a good father, but things change, right?
My mom says that I have to stop worrying and that I have to accept eventually that someday he’s going to find a new family. It is so weird because I don’t freak out when I think about my mom getting married again. I want that to happen if she finds a man that’s good enough for her. Why with my dad is so different?
I know that it’s not fair to ask him to give up the prospect of a new family for us and that’s exactly why I won’t do it. But I’m just confused and scared. Can someone please, very please, tell me if I’m a heartless bitch?
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