Dora said 9 years, 6 months ago:

I wish I could talk to my friends about this. But, seriously I just know that they’ll just tell me I’m stupid and judge me. And I just don’t want to be judged. I mean, not many people understand exactly how I think and work. And I swear I feel like 15 times more than normal people. When that girl got murdered I swear I cried for a day and a half it upset me that bad, and I wasn’t even friends with her.

This whole situation is just making me cry, because I literally don’t know what I am feeling, why I am feeling it, or what to do about what I’m feeling.

I’m sitting here looking at photos and thinking of all the things we did together for the month and a half we dated. And in my brain it’s like it just happened yesterday. Which is quite strange because I cannot remember what I ate yesterday, why is my brain suddenly just pulling nearly 7 year old memories out and saying “HEY THINK ABOUT THIS!!!!”.

Dora

Dora said 9 years, 6 months ago:

I’ve thought about him every now and then since he went to prison. He was only 16 when he went. At the time, I thought I had given my virginity to him. (It’s a long and convoluted story involving repressed memories) I followed the news story closely when it happened. It was big news because I lived in a very very small town. And it was super duper shocking that something like that would happen. I mean, obviously the girl who was killed recently is like 15 million times more shocking. Because It’s been three weeks and no one has any idea why someone shot her. They have NO suspects and no leads. When you live in a small community everyone is so tightlipped about everything.

Like things I didn’t even think about until I started thinking about him. We used to hang out in this gazebo in the graveyard. And we’d neck there. Like seriously necked, I we both got hickies. Or that one time when we went to McDonalds and he got a strawberry sunday and I said that I didn’t want any because I was fat and he told me he wasn’t going to kiss me until I ate some. Or the fact that I became slightly addicted to nicotine when we dated because he was always smoking cigarettes and I’d crave the taste when he’d go home. Or what exact song was playing when we first had sex. Ugh, I just want to get like a lobotomy or something.

Dora

Dora said 9 years, 6 months ago:

I’m kinda now just stalking the mailbox waiting to see if he replies to me. I sent the letter on tuesday. It’s friday now. I don’t know ANYTHING about the prison system or prison in general. So, I don’t know about how he’ll be able to reply to me. I was worried about sending like a self addressed stamped envelope. I couldn’t really find anything on the internet that said what the like protocol is. So, I kinda just winged it. And I hope he realizes who it’s from. And that It’s not super duper awkward.

Dora

Dora said 9 years, 6 months ago:

EEP! I got a reply. I’m like too scared to read it now. I’ve hidden it under my pillow like a 12 year old girl. I know it cannot be THAT bad, on the back it says “Picture Inside”. I’ve been really bad the past two days, not like feeling bad like sad bad, but I’m pretty sure I got food poisoning from a chicken fajita from a food cart at a festival I went to on Sunday. So, Yeah, I have NOT been feeling good. Anyways, I thought I’d make an update.

Dora