Holly said 9 years, 9 months ago:

My parents have been in a divorce for about a year and a half now. They both want me to be with them, but then tell me they want me to be happy. I love both of them with all my heart but my dad is a little stricter than my mother is. Im so torn with who to choose. They both tell me i’d be better of with them

arabella said 9 years, 9 months ago:

I can’t even imagine what you are going through right now. I guess you should imagine life without your mother/father and figure out when its harder: withour mom or without dad.

(◣_◢)Poet said 9 years, 9 months ago:

Choose based on who will be most attentive to you and who you can learn most from. May sound odd at 15 years old to actively seek out the type of parenting that can seemingly limit your freedom. At this age, its really important you not develop any unrealistic ideas about the work ethic necessary at the next stage of your life as you approach adult hood.

Considering all the things your father was strict about and consider how much it did to shape you into who you are (positive and negative).

Sometimes a young woman needs her father more than her mother because if he is a good man, he will help you understand what to expect from the men you surround yourself with as a woman, which is very important for avoiding relationships in which you aren’t growing from and are detrimental to you. If living with your father means you can still see your mom pretty often, then you can probably get to know her better through doing things together she probably couldn’t do when you were younger (things that usher you into woman-hood, the tricks of the trade when it comes to being a lady).

It is also a decision based on who needs you more. If your mother has had issues with isolation or being away from you, but being with her doesn’t take anything away from your relationship with your father, then maybe you stay with her.

Its important to remember that them not being together doesn’t mean you aren’t all still family. They both will always be linked through you which means apart of them is always together.

Deleted User said 9 years, 9 months ago:

Hi Holly,

I am once divorced myself (and possibly close to a second divorce). I have a child from both marriages. So, I have a little experience in this area. First off, I think it’s not good that your parents are approaching this from a competitive standpoint. I’m sure they both love you. As such, they should be working together, with you, to make this determination and not putting you in the position of having to make a choice. That will automatically create negative feelings for the “loser.”

I guess my suggestion to you would be to meet with your folks at the same time and have an open discussion about it. Your discussion should be as objective as possible. Really weigh the positives and negatives. These situations are never easy and are made more difficult when parents are adversarial. I hope this helps.

naura said 9 years, 9 months ago:

hi holly, my parents were never married and my husband is also a child who went through divorce. I also worked at an after school day care for 10 years and saw a few of the parents go through it.

first, what I can tell you is that your parents should NEVER have to put you in a situation where you have to ‘pick’ one or the other. I was put in that situation when I was younger and I lost 10 years of my time with my dad. for 10 years he thought I was angry at him which i was not. he watched me graduate high school through a fence. I am 33 years old now and it is one of the biggest regrets of my life.

two, if you love them both with all our heart, tell them so you can divide your time between them as you see fit. YOU should have a voice in this. no matter what our mom or dad wants it is important for you to speak up and say “this is what I want for MYSELF”.

three, I can tell you are very mature because you are asking questions to a third party and that is good. I made the mistake of letting my mom sway me. I wish someone had told me to stand up for what I believed… which was my dad was not a bad person.

Deleted User said 9 years, 9 months ago:

Well, you cant make a pros and cons list, cause it wont work. If I were you, I would choose whoever could provide the best for me. I know it sounds cruel. But, its the most logical thing.
At this point, choosing for emotional reasons, wont help, coz well your parents separating break you, and no matter who you choose, it will take time to heal.
But, if you think for yourself, it might be time to be logical, and gain independence aka grow up early, I know it sounds cruel, but, that is one way of letting go of both of them.
So choose logically, as in who, can provide the most for you, economically, as terrible as it sounds, economic security for a single parent is very much necessary.

Kirsten said 8 years, 7 months ago:

Usually in this situation, the judge would make a decision regarding on which parent the child lives with. The judge takes into consideration your opinion and then which parent could provide for you more (education wise, health wise, ect.). This is a really tough situation to be put in because you aren’t sure of your decision and you don’t want to make the other parent mad.

Think about your life and what you want from it. Just because you choose to live with your dad does not mean your mom is out of the picture, she is still there through visits, phone calls, ect. I think that it is good that your parents are giving you a say in the situation but only if you want a say.

You should live with the parent you feel more comfortable around, one you think would benefit you in the long run (if you can think like that). If that is too hard or it is still a tie, i hate to say this but if you really don’t feel a strong pull to either parent, you could base it off of where you would go to school (with your friends or would you have to switch schools) or if you like one particle setting better than the other (city life with your dad or house in a small town with your mom, for example). You should feel somewhat of a pull one way or another when considering things but it is okay if you don’t. You can just tell them that you don’t want to choose between the two of them because you love them equally and leave it up to the courts to decide.