Abyss said 10 years ago:

Hey bae,

I learned something today, you know. Bae actually ISN’T the ghetto version of babe, it stands for “Before Anything Else”… I still think it’s fitting.

It was just December when you passed. I still think about you every day and sometimes I wonder if I’m going to run out of tears, yet the time never comes. You told me that it would be okay without you here. You promised me.

You told me to pray. Yeah right, you and I both knew that wasn’t going to happen. I tried praying for you, and I had never prayed before. Yet I prayed my ass off for you and you still aren’t here.

I saw someone yesterday walking down the street. It was a little boy who had no hair. I stopped and talked to him for a few minutes, he told me he just got it all cut off. I asked him why and he said because his best friend has cancer and had lost all her hair.

I remember when I did that for you. This time around you told me not to. You knew that the cancer was going to claim you as its own.

I wish it didn’t.

Tomorrow is April 1st. That was your favorite day of the entire year because it was April Fool’s Day. No one could get upset at you for pulling pranks, and our “Gotcha” game was most intense during this week. I miss that game. When I’d walk into my room to find that my bed mattress was gone, only to later find it in the kitchen pantry. When I’d change your ringtone to Justin Bieber’s “Baby”, just to call it in the middle of class.

You tried to play “Gotcha” in the hospital. I’d lay in the bed next to you, and you’d be squeezing my hand, only to let go and hear your monitors going off and alarming. To have the doctors and nurses rush in to keep you breathing. And when you were stable again, each time without fail, you’d look over at me, smile, and say “gotcha”.

I wish that you were joking.

God, this is so unfair. You promised me that I would be okay. You PROMISED me. Well you want to know something? I’m not. You’re not here and you left me and now I can’t even function anymore. How is this okay? How? When are you going to come out of your hiding place and yell gotcha?

Please come out.

You’d be laughing at me right now because I’m talking to you like you’re here. I’m talking to you like anyone is even going to read this, or even care. Lemme tell you something hun; people stop caring after four months of you dying. I’m supposed to be happy now.

So I went to your grave yesterday. Someone went there and left a teddy bear. A teddy bear. I remember before you got really sick you always told me that if I left a stuffed bear at your grave you’d come back to haunt me. I’ve been thinking about buying a bear.

Anyway, I’ve come to a conclusion. I need you here.