 Passing Stranger
968 QA Reputation128 | elizabethfke12 said 10 years ago: As i have posted before, my bf of 1.5 years have been having a lotta issues lately, with him getting very mean n defensive wen i fight.
Then he acts normal but i cant forget the hurt specially wen he hs called me names n said hurtful things like im a bitch etc.
now during this time i fell fr some other guy who got married but i know that isnt going anywhere.n its purely from my side.
that part is constantly hurting me and i dunno hw to get over the married guy..n thats fucking with my mind.
I feel that if i really was in love with my bf i wudnt hv fallen for someone else..and i know thats wrong too.
My bf says i dont want this to work out but the fact is i dont feel like it.I tried working it out but its a vicious cycle.. i try talking to my bf n he gets back to being defensive and hurtful..
i never felt wat i feel fr the other guy for my bf..and i think these feelings fr d married guy made me realise wat i was missing in my relationship with my bf.
I dunno wat to do, im getting hurt from everywhere.and i dont wanna hurt my bf either.. i also feel he deserves someone who is mentally faithful..whereas i am not.
but i cant take his abuse..cos it becomes mental abuse for me.. please help..i dunno wat to do | |
 Common Friend
23049 QA Reputation7397 | rinseandrep said 10 years ago: How does the idea of taking a pause make you feel? | |
Passing Stranger
968 QA Reputation128 | elizabethfke12 said 10 years ago: Pause as in? i tried taking a break.. its not working | |
Common Friend
23049 QA Reputation7397 | rinseandrep said 10 years ago: As in taking some time to figure out what you want. Are you currently apart? What makes you say it’s not working? | |
 Common Friend
12671 QA Reputation16417 | Humanist Hope said 10 years ago: However misguided and heavy-handed his opinions may be, what Limitless called was true. By all accounts, it looks like your relationship is just dried out. You cannot even talk to one another to attempt to resolve the problem. It would be in the best interest of everyone if the two of you simply cut your losses and went your separate ways. I know it is hard, but you must do what is right for you and your boyfriend must do what is right for him, and sometimes it comes down to having the maturity to admit that you are bad for each other. If you need to talk, my inbox is always open. | |
 Newbie
0 QA Reputation0 | Deleted User said 10 years ago: edited, i apologize for the previous post:
Alright, so I think you both are abusing each other.
You abused his trust, I don’t know why you expect him to respect ye. Would ye respect him if the case was reversed..
He is clingy and needy, probably as he invested too much of himself in you, and doesn’t know a different way of life.
Your being in love with someone else while having a BF is the worst thing you could possibly do, fights etc.., this is a relationship, not a marriage, there is no compromise needed here, separate, get closure, realize you are as much to blame as him, fix yourself, and start new with people who are preferably not committed, if your just lonely, make some friends, have casual sex, you dont need a bf to fill that empty void, and neither does he. If its meant to be, it will be someday.
Its a vicious cycle, as you and your bf are allowing it to continue, for whatever reasons you might have socially, sexually or mentally..There are 7 billion people on this planet. | |
 Passing Stranger
181 QA Reputation263 | Lucy J said 10 years ago: I think you’re right, in that if you were still in love with your boyfriend, you wouldn’t have fallen for another guy. However, there’s often a lot more to a situation than people can see in just a few short paragraphs and just scraping the tip off the iceberg, so to speak. Based on what you said, speaking from my own experience and generalizing relationships as a whole, long-term couples that “fall out of love” often have a tricky time with companionship. The companionship can either be forcing them together or driving them apart. Couples can often get too use to each other, and desire something new and exciting in place of their relationship. They want something newer than their partner simply because they are bored. Couples that fall out of love can also have companionship keep them together for the worst; you become so use to one another that you are afraid to break it off in fear of being alone and in a new situation. It sounds like companionship has become an issue for you in both senses that it can in a relationship. You’re staying with your boyfriend even though you know neither of you deserve to stay in the relationship, because you fell for another guy for a different kind of companionship. Honestly, love, it’s time to end the relationship, even though that may seem scary. Both of you are unhappy, and staying together just for the sake of having someone that you are use to, is not a reason to stay together. Best of luck, my inbox is always open! | |
Passing Stranger
968 QA Reputation128 | elizabethfke12 said 10 years ago: @limitless. I agree its my fault too..i never meant to say only he is to blame.. N becos of my guilt i feel i cant break up becos i dont wanna hurt him.becos i kno it will hurt him if i break up.n im d loser on both sides..cos i didnt wanna fall in love with anyone else..more so a married guy.. It hpnd..i cudnt help it.n i dontwanna to break anyones marriage.. My love is frm my side.. Im not expecting anythin from him. N im also feeling bad abt my bf inspite that he abuses me.
@lucy.. Thanks so much becos i think u hv hit d nail on d head..everytime we try to break off i think we fear d loss of companionship.. Mebbe thats y we r clinging.n also becos i dont hv anyone to fall bk on.
Thanks alot guys for all ur perspectivs..i hope i tk d right decision soon. | |
Newbie
0 QA Reputation0 | Deleted User said 10 years ago: @elizabethfke12
girl your 29, and you sound like a confused teenager.
Get a grip of your life.
Break up, be single, sort yourself out.
Learn to depend on yourself!! | |
Passing Stranger
968 QA Reputation128 | elizabethfke12 said 10 years ago: @limitless u r right.. i feel im sooo immature.. i feel my bf n i r very good as friends but we r not good as a couple becos both of us r immature mebbe me more.
Im worried he’ll really feel bad if i break up. though i think its fair to him to break up because i hv been unfaithful | |
Common Friend
23049 QA Reputation7397 | rinseandrep said 10 years ago: You have to let go of the idea that you are responsible for his emotions. Do you think it’s your fault if he verbally abuses you? It’s not. | |
 Passing Stranger
207 QA Reputation0 | crying lotus said 10 years ago: Hello, there! I was in your position just a few months ago. I fell out of love with my ex-bf of 3 years after moving away, and I guess LDR was one of the reason I broke up with him. The other reason would prolly be the fact that I fell for someone else (who at that point of time was attached, but was out of love as well). Just like you, I didn’t feel like making “us” work even though he wanted to. It definitely hurts to let go after holding onto a relationship for so long, but you would really feel better after lifting the weight off of your chest! If you really see no point in moving on with your bf, then it’s best to end things than to lead him on. It’s for the better for both of you. As for the married guy, I cannot advise as it is different from my case. My other guy had broken up with his ex-gf as well and now we’re unofficially together. But as for you, I cannot say the same. Hopefully, things will work out for you soon. Hang on! | |
Passing Stranger
968 QA Reputation128 | elizabethfke12 said 10 years ago: thank u guys.. @rinseandrep im not reponsible for his emotions but i felt guilty..but in the long run it will b better for both of us.. mebbe ill get a better guy or a worse one but it wont b forced..n its better than leading some one on..
As for d married guy, i can just feel hurt and deal with it myself becos i hv no right to expect anything from him.  | |
