Not Very Important said 6 years, 10 months ago:

DISCLAIMER: I AM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG. IF YOU HAVE THE TIME AND PATIENCE THOUGH, I REALLY NEED SOME ADVICE. THIS IS JUST THE WHOLE STORY.
I guess the first thing you should know, is that this is a High School relationship. Usually when people here that they think it’s pointless, and stupid, and not worth talking about. But this has messed me up before.
The second thing you should know is there’s a two year age difference between us. This is the second time I’ve dated a guy two grades ahead of me. I just feel like they understand more about girls, and I’m more comfortable with them. But with this guy, the age difference might be more of a problem.
We had dated before. He asked me to homecoming just a couple weeks of meeting me. It was amazing. And after he had asked me to be his ‘cutie’, (girlfriend) our actual relationship started, but it didn’t last long. He told me that with the age difference he would be going to college soon and didn’t want to risk getting too serious because of the fact that it would just hurt more. He said I had a say in it, but I felt like I really didn’t. Because a few hours later, he ended it with the note that we would still be great friends. That didn’t really happen though. For the next ten days all that happened between us was a few awkward, and also very weak, smiles as we passed each other in the hallway. I attempted to text him, but the conversation only lasted I’d say a couple of hours after his rehearsal for drama ended. (He’s the cutest drama geek ever, and did outstanding in the play) Anyways, while we had dated, our conversations through texting would last the whole day. Those ten days were really hard for me. In those short weeks, I had become attached to him. He had pulled me out of my five month long depression from my previous dumping from the other guy. He really made me feel happy.
Like I said, this breakup lasted ten days. On the tenth day, he caught up to me after my 3rd block class and asked to talk to me. He told me that he thought he had made a huge mistake an asked me if I would give him another chance. Of course, I said yes, and we hugged. This renewed relationship then lasted two day before four months. We had done a lot together. Some of it was sexual, (no actual sex, I’m waiting for marriage.) but most of it was just bonding. And it was amazing. My mom loved him, my family loved him, and I also met his mom which was great.
Here’s where things get depressing. He is very close to his older sister, so he would do anything for her. Including moving out of the state to Oregon. Yeah, and he’s doing it. But that’s not for another year and a half. And when we got back together we agreed to make the most out of this relationship. He still thought that it’d be best to split again to spare later feelings of hurt. But again, we can still be ‘friends’. Because that worked out SO well the last time, didn’t it? I just love awkward smiles.

We cried so much that day that he broke up with me again. We even missed first block of school because we went into the Guidance Office. He has an open period anyways though. I tried to get him to see it my way, we even talked about it with my mom after school. But his mind had been made up. He just didn’t want us to hurt more.
The thing is though, he promised me nothing would change a few days before. He promised me that just because there had now been a timer on our relationship, nothing would change and we could still be together.

He said that he still loves me. He said that he wouldn’t get another girlfriend because he didn’t want to hurt anybody. But I’m hurting. I’m hurting a lot. And when I have these strong emotions, I tend to lose my appetite. He made me promise three things. One; that I wouldn’t hurt myself. He knows that I had self harmed before. Two; that when I started to date again, (which obviously I’m not even thinking about anybody else) I wouldn’t lower my standards. And three; that I would eat. He made me promise those things as he held my face in his hands and cried. It broke my heart even more than it already was.

Remember when I said that he told me we would still be ‘great friends’? Yeah well, I don’t think that’s working out. At school today he didn’t talk to me, barely even glanced at me. I don’t know if it’s because he just can’t stand to look at me or if he’s trying to get me to get over him. That’s what my mom thinks at least. If he says he loves me though, why on Earth would he want me to get over him?! All I want is to be with him! To make this year and a half the best year and a half ever! I can’t even handle the thought of ‘just being friends’. No! That doesn’t work. But I CAN’T make him see that this isn’t right. I just need somebody’s help… What can I possibly do to make this incredibly sweet guy, see things my way? He came back one time, will he do it again? It just hurts.

Thank-you for your time.

rinseandrep said 6 years, 10 months ago:

Is there a chance that he is using the moving thing as an easy way out of a relationship that doesn’t work for him?
You are very focused on being able to spend a year and a half with him if only he changed idea about that very small detail, but if he really wanted to be with you, he would be with you.

If you feel ready to face complete, utter rejection, you can ask him if he would still be with you today if he didn’t have to move, but sometimes it’s better to not know.

Resident Heathen said 6 years, 10 months ago:

We were all teenagers once, and had our fair share of relationships that didn’t go well. That’s to be expected – what do any of us truly know about love at that age? This is the time when we’re finding out all the little secrets and discoveries… So it isn’t something to just blow off like it doesn’t matter.

Yet, at the same time, it’s important not to let it consume you this way. I’ve been in your exact shoes and spent the better part of ten years in on-and-off relationships with him. All the while, trying so hard to make him see it “my way.” During all those years, I never stopped to see things “his way.” If I had, I would have realized a lot sooner that I was pouring myself down a bottomless hole. Nothing I ever did would have been enough to bring him around…

But when I stopped… when I finally started to focus on myself and take care of ME, find MY happiness… you’ll never believe what happened… He came back. That last time, we dated for a couple months, but it quickly became obvious he didn’t really want me the way I had become. He wanted me the way I had been: weak, dependent on his attention, starving for it. In the end, I left him. I had outgrown him.

I know you are hurting, and I can’t promise it will go away any time soon (it may not ever go away,) but you are too young to throw all your eggs in this basket this early in the game. Be friends if you can, or don’t if you can’t, but for crying out loud – TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Do NOT let this drama eat you up. Pay attention to your health, keep your grades up, participate in your life. You can’t lose your dignity, your sense of self, or you truly will be devastated.

Deleted User said 6 years, 10 months ago:

Ugh. As an until-recently teenage guy, I want to apologize on behalf of the species.

You know what the problem is deep down? We’re scared of getting hurt. Girls learn early on that when a breakup happens you can cry, eat a pint of ice cream, get together with your girl firends and cry some.more while ripping the other person to shreds, dry your tears, and slog on.

We males don’t. Nobody teaches us to deal with our feelings. We’re “sissies” for feeling bad about breaking up. We’re” weak” for letting even one tear escape. So when we break up/are broken hp with, we get angry, we get gloomy, we avoid you – because it hurts and we don’t know how to work it out.

Since it’s happened twice in a row, maybe you shouldn’t be anyone’s “cutie” for a while. Go out, sure, but don’t let anyone get such a grip on your heart you get torn up again.

*hugs you and feeds you ice cream*