GBWest said 6 years, 8 months ago:

So… I’ve never been in a relationship, or had a date, or whatever. Nothing. And I’m extremely interested in experiencing what every one else gets to do that I’m missing out on. It seems to make people happy 99ish% of the time, so why not, you know?

At the same time, I dread the idea of dating any one. Absolutely hate it. Too many bad things connected to dating and relationships and all that jazz.

Any way of dealing with this conundrum?

Sabrina said 6 years, 8 months ago:

Honestly, dating isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. Dating can be fun, but it can be crazy too. It really depends on the person you go out with. When I was 18, I went out on my first “official” date with this army guy. Long story short, he was very “handsy” and when I said something about it to him, his response was “when I was younger, I was diagnosed socially retarded”. Lame excuse, right? I dated this other guy, and we’re getting married on Feb.13 of next year. It really just depends on who you choose to date. It’s usually best to talk to them and get to know them quite a bit before you go out on an actual date with them.

GBWest said 6 years, 8 months ago:

I was under the impression the point of dating was to get to know the person………………………………

The_Bird said 6 years, 8 months ago:

As you being a first timer in dating i suggest you not think about the outcome and just focus on having fun on your first dates. The outcome of dating a person is decided after a few dates, not before, you’ll never know how somebody might surprise you positively and negatively and change your whole perspective on it. Just go for it!

GBWest said 6 years, 8 months ago:

See below.

GBWest said 6 years, 8 months ago:

Okay, since I’m in a bit of a better mood, I’ll explain:

From my perspective, dating IS what it’s all cracked up to be. Getting out of the house, doing something with some one, such as video games, or parks, or restaurants; sounds great. There are loads of other benefits, but I don’t feel the need to list them all, since any one who could actually help would know them all. An assumption? You bet, but one I’m willing to make.

On the other hand, I don’t like the idea of dating. Too many things to go wrong; say the wrong thing, act the wrong way, do the wrong thing. Lots to constantly think about. And I don’t want to hear a “just have fun,” because my mind works at a million miles an hour (still slower than speed of light, by the way), constantly thinking, constantly analyzing. That will never go away. I WILL be thinking of stuff that could happen in the future. It’s just who I am.

I mean, I can’t even bear the idea of asking some one out. I’ve no fear of rejection. In fact, I prefer rejection, because that means I’ll never have to talk to the person again, and can just walk away. If they accept though, I have to do stuff, and prepare for stuff. No matter what happens, or how fun it COULD, THEORETICALLY, be I estimate I’ll be dumped within 3 months, or raped. Yes, you read that right, it is a real fear and thought I have. And if some one were to ask me out? I get extremely uncomfortable, responding in the most sarcastic and jerk-ish way possible, because I’ve noticed that gets people to move away from me.

Meanwhile, I am definitely behind every one else by as much as 15 years. With zero experience, I’ve no idea what to do. I only have vague ideas of when certain events are expected, such as first kiss, sex, etc., and I know I won’t respond the way I’m supposed to. I will delay. Indefinitely. As much as I want to experience those situations, I’ll avoid them, because the result will be horrible. I don’t have the benefit of being young and stupid; it is my experience that by my age, one is expected to know a lot, which I don’t, which means I’ve lost before the battle has begun. I don’t want to hear that people will forgive mistakes and screwups on such “silly” matters, because I don’t believe it. I’ve seen and been through mountains of evidence that life is not that butterfly, unicorn, rainbow-ee.

And now I’m rambling… Kinda forgot what my plan for this post was…

///// said 6 years, 8 months ago:

I understand. In my eyes, I figured ill just keep friends. No relationship or anything. Rather live by myself, no judgment in the house i want with my animals(family). I Dont longer care what others say. Its not as lonely once you realize you are happy and doing what you love.

< Chris Is Here! said 6 years, 8 months ago:

Dating is a bit too much stress you have to deal with a lot of problems so if you already have issues or problems you need to tend to then you should probably not date until you’re stress/problem free because of course you won’t be once you date.

GBWest said 6 years, 8 months ago:

I’m wondering if I’m not explaining myself well enough, or if there’s a language barrier or something going on here…

The Curious One said 6 years, 8 months ago:

I totally get what your saying, i’m just having a harder time coming up with a response for it. I’ve never dated, have a relationship any of that and sometimes i think yeah that would be nice but like you said there are just soo many factors that play into it, i feel like it could just be more stressful than anything else. if i were in your shoes, i wouldn’t necessarily go looking for relationships, not yet anyway. If all that thinking is getting in the way, maybe it means you need to get to know yourself better, know what you want, if it’s a relationship or just a good friend to talk to sometimes when you get lonely. I hoped this helped a little. It’s an issue that i personally think about sometimes so if you ever want to talk about it feel free to message me.

Qualifa said 6 years, 8 months ago:

Personally, I don’t believe there’s a simple “cut-and-dry” answer to the predicament you face. I suppose if I look at this from a realistic standpoint, there are two approaches – you could let your fears continue to run rampant through your mind OR just take that risk that you may fear. I can’t say for certain how exactly to do just that, but the thing about dating is that it can seriously be a gamble. Sometimes, you just can’t be too sure of who you’ll get matched up with, per say. And by that, I mean that basically there’s a chance that person you’d be with could have “skeletons in the closet” that may unleash themselves later on in a potential relationship – such as abuse or something else.

Really, I think it’s all just a gamble. Nevertheless, I think it might be worth the risk of getting yourself out there and such. I know that might sound cliche or generic, but I can’t think of a better way to word it. As for being ‘poor’ at the apparent know-how of how to be in a relationship, well, nearly everyone goes through that sometime in their life. If you planned on dating someone, you’d have to experience that eventually. It’s practically inevitable – but hopefully the person you’d be dating would understand that.

Anyway, my point is – while your fears are logical and understandable, you needn’t dwell over them. Some of the others here are kind of right about the fact that you don’t need to date someone to know happiness, but maybe some people do – maybe you do. People are wired different from other people, and that’s fine. So, just try to enjoy your life and if you get the chance to date someone some way, maybe take that risk and see where it goes. While there’s no telling if it could result in good or bad, it’d definitely be a learning experience for you.

Good luck!

GBWest said 6 years, 8 months ago:

… I can’t explain it… I give up…

Dan said 6 years, 8 months ago:

You cant take the good and leave out the bad :) either you toss yourself into the ocean depths or you stay on the sand staring at the shore. Dont think about what could go wrong and try not to be so analytical when you go out on a date ( if you do eventually ) it is probably in your nature to analyse everything but try to live in the moment and experience something new :)
If these aren’t the answers you want, your question isnt clear enough mate :)

GBWest said 6 years, 8 months ago:

Okay… Well then, I’ll change my question.

What am I not being clear about, so that I may provide the necessary details to get answers that might actually aid me? What holes should I fill in for any one who reads this thread?