maaandyx said 9 years, 9 months ago:

backstory, its really long so im sorry:
i was in a relationship with my exboyfriend for almost 2 years, we dated for a year and 9 months, when he ended things with me. i knew him for a year before that, and in the beginning of this all we dated for a week. Our entire relationship as a whole has just been very bumpy from the very beginning.
when we dated for a week he broke up with me for another girl, he was with that girl for a year until they broke up. During that relationship, they would fight and it would be break up, get back together, break up get back together, and so on before it officially ended. this involves me because every time they broke up, he would text me and flirt with me, every. single. time. but during this time period i wasnt all that familiar with feelings like this, so i didnt really take this type of behavior as hurt until we started dating.
after him and that girl broke up we got together 2 months later and spent almost 2 years together, in which i fell so in love, i feel like I’m going crazy. I didnt think someone could fall this hard for someone else. unfortunately i thought we were falling together, bc thats how he made me feel and our conversations. we talked about spending the rest of our lives together and at first i was like im not sure if that will actually happen. but i thought that was what he wanted. our first conversation about being together after school and getting married, was because we were talking about college and i said i was going to florida and he was going to colorado. he wanted me to go with him to colorado. then months passed and he put stuff into my head, and i just thought we were on the same path.
bad things did happen of course. we fought constantly, he has some anger issues, he was never physically abusive though, sometime just mentally abusive. we broke up and got back together 3 times in our whole relationship. during those breaks up, he did to other girls what he did to me when he was with that other girl. but here’s the twist there is girl 1 and girl 2. girl 1 is the girl i first mentioned, he hooked up with her during our first breakup an i didnt find out till after we got back together, and he didnt even tell me. i found out from her. girl 2 is another ex of his and they dated for 6 months then broke up bc they couldnt see each other didnt live to close to our area. he would always go back to her and flirt with her and i didnt know how to handle the situation, so i let it go. till one day i eventually flipped on both of them but thats not important.
jumping to our last day in a relationship and after. he broke up with me for bs reasons that i know for a fact were just excuses because, the day after he left me he got his license. a week after he left me, he got together with girl 2, the girl he couldnt see bc she lived far. After the break-up, he told me that she was better than me, that he wanted to break up with me for a while but didnt want to be alone so he didnt leave me, that he didnt know what love was untill he could actually be with girl 2 etc. basically told i was never good enough for him and he just used me.
but it doesnt make sense to me. idk if im just blinded by the person i thought he was what. Im so confused, during our relationship i made him cry 2 or 3 times, because the topic of me being with another guy was so sensitive to him. he would tell me he doesnt want me to be with anyone but him, the first time he ever heard me cry and knowing it was bc of him, he told me that night how sorry he was and that if he could marry me right then and there he would. Like there is so many contributing factors as to what he says doesnt add up to anything. sometimes his actions matched his words and other times they didnt.
it is currently 7 months later, we are still broken up. all contact has stopped between us. he is still with girl 2. ive found out that he treats her better than he treated me. he did things for he that he would never in million years ever think of doing for me.
my problem is that im still in love with him, and i still want to be with him. i have learned from the mistakes i made, and everything he did to me. and i fully understand that if i ever get the opportunity to be with him again, that i have standards set because i refuse to let him take advantage of me and walk all over me again but i sill want to make things work with us. do you think that i Am i just blinded by the person i thought he was, do you think that he could still have feelings for me and might want to be with me again, or what do you think? i know im young and its dumb to say that i want to spend the rest of my life with this person at such an age, but when you know something feels right, you know something feels right, and i feel that with him despite what everyone says. sometime we make eye contact with each other in the halls, but we dont talk at all. i dont really want to talk to him if he is still with this girl cause then im gonna hurt. im trying my hardest to move, and im not looking for advice on how to move on. im trying to put my mind in the right set bc its all over the place. i really want to work things out and talk to him. but i chose not to say anything bc im tired of chasing of him. and i just dont know what to do or think of this whole thing so im hoping someone could help me.
sorry this is so long

rinseandrep said 9 years, 9 months ago:

“it doesnt make sense to me” it doesn’t have to. All it matters is that it’s ended, what he said, what he did, it doesn’t matter. Tell this to yourself when you catch yourself going back to thinking about why things “don’t add up”. This guy keeps going back and forth, with girls, and each is his soulmate? He doesn’t seem to have a clear idea of what he wants, or it changes often.

I don’t think it feels right (how can it possibly feel right? ), I think it feels familiar for you, and you think that is good, but it isn’t. You deserve better than still chasing someone who has left you and is happily happy without you. Stand up for yourself and knock him off your thoughts.

One day he’s going to break up for a week with girl 2, and he’ll text you immediately to boost his ego, then dump you after girl 2 takes him back, and you are going to feel terrible.

maaandyx said 9 years, 9 months ago:

thats what im afraid of. im afraid of him coming back, then ill just fall all over again, and get hurt all over again. but i just cant over him, i cant get him out of my head. i grew s attached to him over the past 3 years that i just cant unattach myself. i cut off all ties with him, but i often find myself wishing that things were different.

JS said 9 years, 9 months ago:

Honey I got past the first paragraph and scrolled down to reply. No. Just NO. Don’t do this to yourself. Unrequited love isn’t something you should even concern yourself with. If he doesn’t love you, then shoot him a peace sign and go on about your life. Block him on social media, don’t take his calls and if he stops by have someone else answer the door and tell him you aren’t there. Run as fast as you can. I understand the attachment, but sweetie… pull the plug on this one.

Jesse said 9 years, 9 months ago:

Didn’t read every word, but read most of it. It seems like the main display of compassion he showed you was tied to him not wanting to think about you being with anyone else — But he had no problem hooking up immediately after a breakup?

A lot of guys think that way. I find myself having thoughts like that about my relationship too, but I have to remind myself that it’s ABSOLUTELY STUPID AND IMMATURE to think that way. It’s selfish and narcissistic.

Move forward, and find someone with your best interest in mind. It’s certainly not him.

Jesse said 9 years, 9 months ago:

Didn’t read every word, but read most of it. It seems like the main display of compassion he showed you was tied to him not wanting to think about you being with anyone else — But he had no problem hooking up immediately after a breakup?

A lot of guys think that way. I find myself having thoughts like that about my relationship too, but I have to remind myself that it’s ABSOLUTELY STUPID AND IMMATURE to think that way. It’s selfish and narcissistic.

Move forward, and find someone with your best interest in mind. It’s certainly not him.

fromparadise said 9 years, 9 months ago:

So I read all of it because…wow. What a roller coaster! I can relate. I had a relationship with a person and it was very similar. But you know, being attached to someone, isn’t love. I don’t want to tell you how you feel, because that’s something only you know. But I can tell you this. You deserve better. Hanging on to the idea of this guy is only preventing you from finding a person that will love you and treat you the way that you deserve. You are under this illusion that he got upset about you being with other people because he cared. But really, it’s that insecurity of being alone. If he is happy with someone else, you have to let him go. However, he did you the biggest favor. An opportunity to learn to pick your self up and learn to have standards for your relationships. Take that with you to your new relationships. Not an insecurity that it’ll happen again, but that if it does…you know how to show them the door. I hope everything goes well and that you find someone that makes you happy and who you make equally just as happy.

King (: said 9 years, 9 months ago:

What i want to say is “It’s not worth it , you’re worth more than you think “. Hi , i’ve experienced unrequited love before , it sucks a big time. Firstly , from what you say , i feel that he is really the “playboy” type , and maybe i sound cruel but maybe he’s playing with your feelings , im sorry for that. He may be just telling you sugar coated words to make you fall for him even more and eventually reach this stage. But dear , remember you could lose a gem when waiting for a stone. From a guy’s point of view , it’s sad to say that he won’t be back for long , i know these 7 months may be hard for you but , now it’s best to get over him. If not you’ll be hurt even more. Secondly , its just a guy , i promise , in the future you’ll definitely find someone better than him . No point wasting energy thinking about him anymore , time to look around your friends , is there anybody who treats you real good but you don’t really care because your mind is occupied by this guy that you said ? If someone comes to your mind , cherish him. Try to hangout with him more , understand him better he might be able to help you get out of this situatuon and eventually you’ll fall for him. Cheer up lady !

maaandyx said 9 years, 9 months ago:

thank you, for all you words, they really helped. im trying my hardest to move on.