Red Sheep said 5 years, 7 months ago:

Well, I guess I really need to talk about this issue. I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel stuck.

I’ll start from the beginning. It’s been 10 months since I dated this guy. He is.. wonderful. Pure hearted, kind, sweet, his love is something I’ve never felt, as an introvert and a really shy person, it took my some time to open up to him, but I made this effort for him, I didn’t want him to feel less loved or out of my life. After this, we had a fine way with each other, we spent lots of time together, we started arguing over things (we have really different ideas in many view of the world), but we would always apologize and end the discussion (actually, it was always him doing it because I can be really petty sometimes). It was going just great, until.. I looked at him for sometimes and I found him.. like a little kid. He’s an year younger than me, but I was never bothered by it. I know he has thought for the future, but I just feel he is still too immature (when we go out he would sing cartoons’ songs, which I do sometimes, but not ALWAYS), he would talk everyday we hear each other over the phone about games, cartoons, and, trust me, I like those too, but there is a limit, a limit that he exceeded too many times. I got tired of him, so one day, the very day where I felt nothing towards him, I told him that I wasn’t sure about our relationship anymore. He felt destroyed. While I felt so guilty that I tried to make up for him, telling him that I would think about it, that we don’t need to do it now. Later on, we had another conversation about this talk, since I started to avoid him, or, better saying, I started to avoid his feelings. I wouldn’t answer to his sweet messagers, I wouldn’t add hearts, so he clearly asked me what I was thinking. I told him that I was still confused about the other day, and that I didn’t feel like lying telling him that I love him when in this moment I don’t. He felt bad again, but he told me that he would give me all the time I want, that he would wait for my answer, and even if it is something bad, he would accept it, even though he would like to know what happened that changed my mind since verything wa going so great. I cried during this conversation, he was pretty sad too, so he told me that in order to not making me feel unconfortable he wouldn’t say that he loves me so I don’t have to answer.

I feel so bad!! I’ve been crying since days, I was so sure that I wanted t end up things with him, but right now I can’t get him out of my mind. I miss him, I feel like I’ve been just selfish and demanding, in the end, it’s always me that has a problem to talk about, in all of these months he never came up telling me that there was something wrong.. wha do I do..? I don’t want to lose him forever.. but I know that if we just return as we were before I would start trating him like a baby and feel unhappy and angry… :(

Aegis said 5 years, 3 months ago:

I’m sure you’ve gotten past this situation but I’m writing this anyway.

Sorry… my shpiel started out okay but it turned into my own personal experience. Hopefully you can at least see it from my perspective. I’d say, do what makes you feel better. But at some point that becomes so irresponsible. Especially when you’re juggling another person’s feelings along with it.

The worst part about being broken up with the lack of communication. Maybe I’m just not lucky, but not one, out of my 3 biggest loves had ever owned up to their actions, words or emotions. Thing is, I’m more confrontational than she is.
I think some people will tell you that avoiding is ok. Yeah, for you. Aghh.. sorry I’m trying not to bring up my own personal, absolute FURY! At that type of outlook… The idea of just avoiding a problem drives me up the wall. Not knowing what she’s thinking.

I’ve put so much effort in being 100% honest with her, yet she can’t bring herself to address this. I understood it. She wants to avoid feeling bad.

So she broke my heart.

I understood.
She feels bad about it – She doesn’t let me know. Not one message showing me that she DOES CARE. She gave me nothing! Which makes me feel like I was nothing! Even though she felt bad, she never let me know.
She wants to feel better – She does by getting a rebound

Don’t get me wrong. She had every right to make herself feel better.
She doesn’t have to go out of her way to make it easier for me. But as someone who told me they loved me, for real, I expected more compassion and more understanding. But by that point I was enraged at how cold she was with me and yea… that relationship was pretty much lost forever.

“You don’t owe me anything, not discussion, not compassion, not the truth.”

Is what I felt. Receiving none of that, from a person that supposedly loved you… yeah.. It’s extremely painful.

So much pain… The avoiding. The cold, lack of compassion. It’s so hard to transition out of that when breaking up. If someone in a relationship is taking it extra hard… I don’t even know what to say anymore… Just have some compassion. Slowly let them go. Be aware that it’s hard for the other person. Speak like you know that it’s difficult. Don’t just be cold. Because that’s where you really crush someone. Someone that really cares anyway.
Don’t treat him like a baby. Don’t give him false hope.
But don’t be so cold either. You got wrapped up. Now you have to unravel…
Or maybe not. It’s not your problem after all. But if you feel this bad about it then yeah. Maybe unravel the knot; his emotions towards you.

It’s okay.
I understand most people have a problem with confrontation.
But avoiding problems isn’t what makes you stronger.
Going through with them, getting in the fire, figuring it out, is what makes you stronger. You learn from going through those things.
And you grow as a person.

It’s not easy, but it’s not supposed to be easy.
Bleh… I wish I wasn’t just cut off like I just don’t matter.
Like all the time we spent together meant nothing.

Red Sheep said 5 years, 2 months ago:

Oh my god, I’m so sorry to hear your story. In a way, I can understand what you passed through (I was left heart broken in a similar situazion, but since I’m a bitch I just insulted him then tried to forget about him right away hahahah).

Don’t know if this makes a difference, and thank you for answering, but I would like to update this: in the end, I did left him. It was hard, I went through a hard time for this, but until the end I tried to be honest with him, and we actually part ways not in bad terms as I thought. I wished him happy birthday some months ago and he seemed pretty fine.

I hope that you will overcome your situation as well. For what I can say, I think that your love, indees, deserves a better person. If she wanted to avoid the situation, she acted immature and not caring towards you, it’s not like you meant nothing, and I can guess that she will regret her doing. But this is not your business anymore. Love is so unpredictable. Whenever you look away, there it comes with a surprise. :D